The Lullaby you'll never know
by Sketchybadwriter
Summary: Hermione remembers her life with Ron, their first time and when she and Ron became pregnant with their first child and the tragedy that ensued. Ron’s POV as well.
1. 43 years old

The Lullaby you'll never know

SUMMARY: Hermione remembers her life with Ron, their first time and when she and Ron became pregnant with their first child and the tragedy that ensued. Ron's POV as well.

NOTE: WARNING- GRAPHIC BIRTH SCENE and first time sex scene. Also, I normally only write ER fan fiction, I don't think that I have ever written any other kind of fan fiction….so here is my first try at it. This idea just came to me while I was in the bath- funny where ideas bite you.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Harry Potter, or the poems of Robert Frost "Fire and Ice" and Langston Hughes- "Passing Love".

_**The Lullaby you'll never know**_

_Some say the world will end in fire,_

_Some say in ice._

_From what I've tasted of desire_

_I hold with those who favor fire._

Hermione sat down at the vanity and examined herself. Her brown eyes caught her attention, and for some reason, they seemed darker than usual. The lines on her face were becoming more evident, and age was taking its toll, but Ron and Harry too had aged prematurely, the stress of their younger years showing up in their early and mid twenties; especially Harry. The deep lines in his forehead where he'd furrowed his brow so many times in their youth at all of the ungodly horrors that presented themselves one after another, ans by 27 Harry had dense gray hair invading his dar hair, starting at the temples. And Ron, his eyes had deep crows feet as well, but his hair was still fire engine red, though now beginning to receed slightly.

Her shut for a moment taking in the images and opened, focusing on her image; was 43 really that old? Once you hit 40 did your life suddenly stop, cease and then you did not matter anymore? Quite the contrary actually; Hermione had found that everything seemed to get better with age, intelligence, understanding, patience, comfort in your body and yourself, sex. It has been a long time since she'd questioned her sex appeal, she'd been married for 23 years and had rarely ever thought of another man, other then Ron and thus didn't really care who found her attractive. She looked down at her body- she was wearing a white slip, and she quickly caught sight of her breasts.

They looked alright, they weren't horribly saggy, and after all, they had seen to feeding two children, but in all she was in very good health. She ran her hand through her wet hair which was beginning to dry and frizz in places. At least she could always count on that- some how father time was never going to manage to EVER get that frizzy crazy hair away from her. She raised her eyebrows and slightly smiled looking away. She heard pots and pans banging down stairs- Ron. He was trying to make them both a "romantic dinner for two" before the children came home for the Holiday. Hugo and Rose were due in about 5 days, so she and Ron had been getting in as much together time as possible.

Applying some lotion she heard another crash of pots and pans and muffled swear word and kept applying. Ron had taken a muggle cooking class and was_ intent _on impressing Hermione, which was really nice actually. She promised herself that no matter what Ron made and how horrible it was, she was going to eat it and smile. She stood and walked toward her dresser grabbing a bra and underwear, as she dressed the heavily falling snow on the other side of the window caught her attention and she seemed to be in a trance for a moment. How thick snow had marked so many joys and pains in their life, but it was _their_ pains and joys that they had _shared_ and for that- Hermione treasured them. Opening the door she heard Ron's voice rush to the door like a freight train,

"NO!" He roared "Stay up there, I want it to be a surprise. I'll come get you in an hour or so."

"Then what you do you want me to do?" She called down, her tone impatient

"Watch the tele!" He instructed and dutifully Hermione closed the door and sat on the bed. Clicking on the TV some teen show was one, and as she was about to change it, a sense of nostalgia came over her as the characters slightly reminded her of Ron and herself, only the hair and eye colors switched around. They were bickering about sex and how one wasn't ready but the other was and what not, Hermione changed it in pursuit of better entertainment. She settled on the weather forecast which told of a blizzard coming their way. Hermione was seeing flashes and feeling hot skin on hers and could hear heavy breathing. Hermione was remembering.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

She was 19 years old, and had just gotten her own flat on the outskirts of London, where it was slightly cheaper. Harry, Ron and Ginny had all come to visit her and congratulate her on the move. Ginny had already finished up at school the same as Hermione, and she and Harry had intended on moving in together quite quickly. Hermione knew that it was only a matter of time before Ginny and Harry were married and had children. They all knew that Harry wanted a family of his own, badly. He wanted what he never had and Hermione assumed that they would have 12 children or so, but apparently 3 sufficed. That evening Ginny and Harry left together but Ron stayed behind. They sat at the table across from each other, staring intensely. Ron was wearing a short sleeved shirt and she hadn't noticed just how built his arms were. He had a glass between his hands and he was massaging it back and forth, breaking his gaze, looking down he replied.

"So, uh, you done packing then?"

"Yeah," She told, looking around at the obvious lack of boxes

"I think it's really great you found your own place. I think I'm still a year or two away from that," he began, and for the next hour they spoke about various things. Everything except their relationship, Ron glanced at the lock and startled he commented

"It's 12:30 in the morning! I better go." He told

"I'll walk you to the door." Hermione said quickly following. As they reached the door Ron had turned to say something, but upon turning to her- he did not. He stood there, his lips next to her ear as they both breathed heavily. Ron slowly closed his eyes, and unhurriedly raised his arms Hermione's waist. She followed suit, their lips inching closer, his hot breath on her skin. Ignition.

They held each other loosely at first and then their grip seemed to tighten with every passing kiss and breath. She wrapped her legs around his waist and felt him walk forward

"Which way to your room?" He asked slightly pulling his lips away

"Down the hall, second door on the left," She pointed. Entering Hermione flicked her wanted and let an incantation out as about 15 small candles erupted. She'd always loved candles. They fell onto her bed and she immediately began working to get her cardigan off. Nothing felt quit as right as this moment, all her life she'd always dabbled the pros and cons but this instant didn't carry that at all. There was no pro, there was no con, there was only her and him; and nothing had felt so destined and so wholesome and so right. Ron pulled his shirt over his head and with her legs wrapped around his waist still she ran her fingers down his chest and abdomen. He pulled her pants and shirt off and soon they were both in their underwear as she scooted up on the bed and followed. He looked down at her for several moments and spoke quietly

"I just wanted you to know, that I am really happy that this is happening with you." He set in motion "I didn't want to say "I love you" simply because this was happening. I really do love you Hermione." He told, without further a due she kissed him violently and for a long time. The undergarments were now gone, also nervousness was settling in for Ron, he looked into her dark brown eyes and asked

"How do you want me to-"he asked horrified, Hermione slid underneath him and kissed him. She had to part her legs and they both worked together for a moment.

"Sorry." He said embarrassed as he settled the tip in, kissing her again Hermione surprised him by slightly pushing herself into him, making him go deeper. The sensation was odd; she'd heard stories at school that it hurt terribly, that there would be blood, agony. And then she got older and learned that it didn't hurt for all women, they wasn't always blood and that it could be enjoyable. It wasn't pain, but it wasn't ectasy either, the in and out rhythm was weird and wonderful, and it didn't hurt, but it was more of a pressure and pinching feeling, that went away after a minute or so.

Sweat followed quite quickly, and soon Ron's brow was glistening in the candle light. They were falling into a relaxed rhythm and the slight uncomfortable ness of it all was leaving Hermione and something quite nice was taking over. It was lovely, it was really was. There was kissing, and tears of happiness, and then the unthinkable. Hermione could feel herself climaxing. She didn't think that would happen until several times later. She let out a moan as she climaxed as the contractions of her vaginal walls put pressure on Ron forcing him to delightfully climax as well. He shook slightly and rested his head on her chest; Hermione wrapped her arms around him and lay there quietly. She fell asleep fairly swiftly, but what she didn't know was that Ron had stayed awake for a while afterward, watching her breathe. He has even pulled a blanket over her, blown out the candles and taken a shower only to return to her side, falling asleep as well.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Hermione realized that it was then, that she and Ron had become inseparable. The deal was sealed, they were in love. There was no fighting it anymore, no denying it, not hoping that maybe they were just close friends. And they were both alright with it. Switching to another channel, she had nearly finished the program when she heard the door open.

"I've got a surprise." Ron sang holding a blindfold

"You don't really expect me to wear that do you?" She asked raising an eyebrow, he only nodded

"You're gonna love it." He grinned again walking over the bed; she sat up as he gently tied the blindfold around her eyes. Taking her hand, he carefully led her down the stairs.


	2. Ron and Hermione

Note: There is probably only one more chapter or 2 left, let me know if you want more.

**Chapter 2**- Ron: Hermione's favorite picture

One hand on the banister and the other firmly gripping Ron's, Hermione gingerly descended the stairs. The savory smell of spices and meat met her nose, and her mouth watered slightly. Reaching the end of the stairs Ron seated Hermione at the table and standing at the other end excitedly he held out his hands and said

"Ok, remove the blindfold." He smiled. Doing as instructed, Hermione gave the blindfold a tug and was met with awe. Ron had really outdone himself. The whole kitchen and living room was decorated with brilliant banners and lights, glittery streams and hearts. In the center of the table was a lamb leg steaming and done very well.

"Ron…" She smiled, but before she could go on he spoke

"Do you like it?" He belted out, eyes wide rubbing his hands together

"Oh, yes! Yes I do!" She began "It's all so romantic and delightful, the colors the smells." She beamed "I have to only ask," she began, but furrowing his eyebrows Ron quickly interjected again

"No. No I didn't use magic at all." He slightly slumped

"That's not it!" She informed still smiling; he straightened up a bit gaining some confidence "What's the occasion?" she asked and at the question, Ron gave her a very puzzled look. A look you might give someone who during a conversation about the weather suddenly blurted that their blood consists of Blue Raspberry slurpee. His eyebrow raised, his lips parted, he exhaled and open his mouth to speak

_What's the occasion? _Lingered quietly between them both

"We are." He told, not whispering but not overall loud. Hermione's eyes glazed over some and she regained herself with a laugh

"Ron," she coughed trying to hide her tears "that's wonderful, thank you." she grinned. Ron looked down with a closed mouth smile and stood by the lamb carving it. Placing the lamb on her plate he leaned in and kissed her. Her eyes shut and her head fell back, she ran her fingers through his hair and he let out a moan, he'd always been a sucker for that. Ron sat near Hermione and they commenced in a lovely conversation during dinner. It was always nice having dinner and being able to have a conversation about anything without having to inhibit certain subjects, due to the presence of children. Yes, it seemed like it had been so long ago that they were a young couple enjoying their free time and carelessness. And so many years of diapers, car seats, booster seats, bottles, sippy cups, nap time, play time, time out, grounded, spend the night…it seemed a forever ago that she and Ron were together, no sneaking around the house as not to wake the children, no trying to be quiet during sex. Parenthood, had transformed them. It had transformed her parents, and their parents, Harry and Ginny, Charlie and Fleur, everything. Ron let out a loud laugh, covering his mouth. Hermione had to follow suit a bit, Ron had one of those laughs that just, dragged you in- you know? The two story house located on 2345 Maple Drive just off of Lakeshore Lane, was a bright yellow and had no front windows, but second story did. It was welcoming and about 8,000 square feet with a nice backyard. The inside walls in the living room were a soft beige and promoted a relaxing feeling. The kitchen had delightful with red tiles and a black trim that Ron had chosen himself and insisted upon, and it was a nice contrast. The living room was filled with pictures- both magic and muggle. Pictures of Rose and Hugo when they were born, first birthday, first Halloween, on vacation, waving in front of Hogwarts, laughing in the bathtub- her favorite was of Ron on his birthday sitting in the surf, at the beach. He was completely drenched, his fire red hair standing a bit as he had just run his hand through it. He was wearing an undershirt and was sitting crisscross holding Hugo and Rose, who were still in toddlerhood, they were laughing hysterically looking at him and pulling on his shirt. She had two versions of the photo, one muggle and one magic. In the magic one he was laughing with the children and waving, pointing to the camera, getting splattered with water by the babies, while the surf was splashing against them. That was the year that they had taken a vacation to Bora Bora for the winter. It was lovely; they stayed for 3 weeks and were scheduled to return on March 4, 3 days after Ron's birthday. They heard a knock at the door and Ron quickly answered it, it was the muggles next door, Sophia and Angelina Duritz, she knew it because she could recognize Angelina's voice anywhere, it was very singy-songy. They were saying goodbye, they would have called but there wasn't anytime- Angelina's mother had gotten into an accident and they needed to leave at once. Sophia commented on how lovely it was to see them, said goodbye, gave their hugs, and holding each other arm in arm they exited. Hermione looked at the wall as the pictures once again took motion, resuming their magical abilities. Ron and Hermione had lived next to Sophia and Angelina for about 6 years now, and had only wonderful things to say about them. They had babysat Rose and Hugo on several occasions, and Ron and Hermione supported them in their decision to adopt a child. They both continued dinner and finished off the wine, and cleaned up together.

"Do you remember the day that we got married?" Ron laughed scrubbing a dish, slightly drunk; Hermione could only chuckle, as she was drunk as well.

"Yes, very clearly so," she smiled, Ron wrapped his arm her neck and kissed the back of her hair, bubbles dripping onto her shirt, but it wasn't a bother because she wrapped a soapy hand around his waist an kissed him. They walked to the living room; Ron had to rest on the couch before going up the stairs-a mixture of a heavy meal and too much boos had done them both in. They had been sleeping for a while when Hermione awoke, and sleepily looked around the room. Her shoes were beside her, she looked toward Ron who had obviously removed them, he was sleeping like a rock on his side, and his back turned to her she could hear his heavy breathing. She sat up heading toward their bathroom when the heavily falling snow once again caught her eye. She observed it as one might with a suspicious stranger they've caught staring, and with a slight sneer she headed toward the bathroom. Washing her hands Hermione looked around the bathroom and then preceded back to the bed, Ron was still sound asleep and hadn't even moved when she got into the bed. She sat herself up thinking about his question

_Do you remember when we got married?_

How could she forget? How could anyone forget? They married only two short months after Harry and Ginny, but that was only coincidence. Harry had proposed to Ginny shortly before she finished Hogwarts and the two had been itching to get married right away, but one for one moment thought it was to tame lusty sexual feelings, everyone knew that Ginny and Harry were in love. Her and Ron equally as much, Hermione at the time felt as if she was walking on air, how could such a feeling exist and her not have known it? Hermione, master of her own destiny and heart felt completely out of control, but it was a wonderful feeling, that lack of control. Her thoughts were interrupted by a bead of sweat that ran down along her forehead. She hadn't realized it but the room was probably at 90 degrees. She shuffled off the bed and quickly turned down the thermostat, and walked over to Ron's side and shimmied his sweat shirt off him- Ron didn't even flinch. This was one of the things that she didn't miss about Hogwarts, the common rooms and sleeping areas often became so hot that it was something close to sleeping in a kiln; She had always had a preference for cold, whereas as Rose and Ron were always freezing. It could be 80 degrees out and Ron would be freezing, complaining of the cold. She rolled her eyes at the memory and looked around. She headed back downstairs and looked at the clock, it was 3 in the morning but with the snow- who on earth could tell? It was funny how snow did that, blurred the lines of time of day. Looking out the kitchen window she glanced at the Duritz home, they had accidentally left some of their Hanukkah decorations up. Hermione grabbed her coat, snow boots, and key and opened the door. She was met with surprise; there was 3 feet of snow in front of her. Shuffling her way through it she had reached their front door. Like good neighbors they had exchanged keys in case of something like this, and Hermione was filled with slight optimism as she turned out the lights and left. She hoped that they would return soon, and that everything was alright. How accustomed she had grown to seeing their Menorah shine brightly in the window, signifying something beautiful and age old. Every year for the past 6 years they'd shared Holidays together, and as she closed the door and locked she realized that this year, that may not happen. Hermione was met the intense warmth of her own home, but it was not welcome. The heat as still dramatically high and if it weren't for the intense snow outside she would have opened a window, but instead she shook her hair of the snow and hung up her coat and placed the key back in the drawer; she was wide awake now. She didn't want to think about it, but she had to, because it kept popping into her mind. Not exactly the wedding, but the events that followed suit, it had been with her the last 3 weeks as the date approached, and glancing out the window Hermione found herself hypnotized by the heavily, white, falling snow.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

She remembered getting home that evening, shuffling herself lazily onto the steps of her apartment. She was 20 years old and in somewhat of a need for relaxation, as her day had been terrible. She never did feel her age though, too many things had happened to her that didn't allow her to feel her age. Circumstances regarding her, Harry and Ron had forced them all to grow up dramatically. She opened the door and was met with puffs of smoke and bright lights, in her own defense she drew out her wand and held it in front of her. Call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but after the adolescent and teenage years she'd had Hermione often felt on the edge about "surprises". Hearing music and singing Hermione entered to be met a fantastic view, Ron was standing there looking nervous and he had his hands cemented at his sides. He strode forward toward her taking her hands into his and pulling her forward

"What's all this?" Hermione smiled, Ron got down on one knee, _OH MY GOD_

"Hermione, when we first met, we both had our opinions about each other," he began, she felt her jaw drop slightly, "And through the years, we've been through so much together, regardless of how terrible it was, I was always glad that you were there with me, you've been like a like, a guide, my only hope within the darkness. I gave myself to you, and you're the only one I want to be with, I know that I can be faithful and give you everything you need," he told, but just then looking into his eyes Hermione dropped to her knees breathless, she sobbed a bit placing her hands on his neck nuzzling him.

"Hermione, I need to finish, I haven't slept in hours, and I've been practicing." He smiled, but that only made her cry harder, happiness was welling within her being

"Oh, alright then." He muttered and continued holding her in his lap as she cried "thick or thin, love or hate, happiness or sadness, sane or-" he paused looking down at her as she cried into his chest and continued "insanity, tragedy and loss, I don't care what I face, as long as you're by my side. Hermione, will you marry me?" She didn't speak, only nodded fervently as he slipped the ring on. She heard cheering and upon looking saw that Harry, Ginny, Luna, George, Molly, Arthur, her parents, they all were there to congratulate them. Hermione look to Ron whose eyes were red and tear trails marked his face.

It was only a week or two before that Harry and Ginny had announced their plans to marry soon, and Ron promised his proposing had nothing to do with competition. Harry and Ginny married two weeks later in a lovely ceremony; Ginny had absolutely refused to wear white, he insisted that she "had waited until she was married, and therefore, could wear any color she wanted." Hermione found it just and humorous; Ginny mainly wanted to wear the dress that her mother had sewn, it wasn't white but a gorgeous black that fit Ginny perfectly. She looked ravishing; Harry had worn a silver suit that was very handsome on him. Their honeymoon had been in Wales and it lasted a week.

Ron and Hermione had married two months after them, and had a more traditional muggle wedding, but with wizard traditions as well; in many magical weddings most people don't have a best man or a maid of honor but Harry and Ginny had served respectively. Hermione wore a cream colored gown with her mother pearl necklace; Ron wore a simple black suit that made him look- quite dashing. The back against his fire engine red hair was beautiful and so was the ceremony.

They had honeymooned in the south of France, they had both always wanted to go, and to Ron's own pleasures he got to experience foreign muggle life. They ended up taking an unexpected trip to America, Arthur Weasley had always had an interest in muggles but American muggles were a mystery to him. So they visited a few places and got some souvenirs, Hermione's favorite place was Atlanta, GA and Ron thoroughly enjoyed Oregon, as its weather was very close England's.

They returned, happy and more in love then ever, life seemed perfect. Together, before the wedding they had bought a house and moved in on East 689 Horse Shawl road, a very nice street by the way, located only 3 blocks from the Ministry, and conveniently many of witches and wizards took up residence there as well. It was 7 weeks later that at 3 am Hermione was having her second fit of extreme illness, waking Ron and startling him. Ron rushed over the bathroom door

"Hermione, are you alright?" He asked leaning down placing his hand on her back

"Oh, yes I-" and she unloaded vomit into the toilet just in time, Ron made a grimace at the smell

"I'll go get you something." He said quickly only to feel his pant leg being yanked

"No!" She exclaimed "Don't you leave me here!" She said resting her head on the cool floor she exhaled; after a moment she felt incredibly better and walked back to the bed, as Ron helped her in. He kissed her cheek and as she feel into sleep. She awoke about 3 hours later to vomit again, it was 6 am and Ron was getting ready for work.

"Jesus!" She exclaimed exiting the bathroom

"Still not feeling well?" He asked sitting on the bed tying his shoe

"I think I caught something from work, people in the charms department are really ill."

"Maybe they cast a pregnancy charm!" Ron laughed, but then stopped looking at Hermione, they both glared at each other

"NO WAY!" they said in unison. Hermione ran down the drug store and bought a test, Ron sat anxiously looking at her. When it read positive his face went pale and then red, and then pale again. After a doctor's visit and blood test, it was confirmed that Hermione was 8 weeks pregnant. They had conceived on their honeymoon, upon giving them the news, their faces weren't of jubilee but deep contemplation.

"I take it this wasn't planned." Dr. Hath said taking a seat on the stool across from Hermione and Ron.

"No, it wasn't."

"Did you two use contraceptives?" Hath asked, they said nothing "Have you two ever discussed birth control?"

"No," Ron replied after a moment, he wasn't going to add that they didn't even think of using a contraceptive charm but quickly remembered that Hath was not a Wizard doctor.

"Well," Dr. Hath began carefully "If you two feel that it is not the time for you to be pregnant or parents then we should discuss your options."

"Options?" Hermione asked looking up; Hath took a breath "By law I have to make you aware of your options regarding your pregnancy. If you want to, you can choose now to terminate,"

"Terminate?" Ron cut in "What do you mean?" but Hath only looked at him and said

"Abortion." And Ron's face fell a bit "You don't have to, but by law I have to mention it. You could also choose to put the baby up for adoption." Hath said, Hermione sat with her brows furrowed thinking clearly

"What, do you think we should do?" She asked, quietly "I mean your medical advice."

Hath only shrugged and held their hands up "Physically, you are very healthy and capable of having a child." Hath began and Hermione considered this "In my medical opinion I think that you two should go home and discuss. I'll make an appointment for next week," Hath explained, Hermione and Ron nodded and left the office.

"What do you want for Dinner?" Hermione asked walking into the kitchen, but Ron merely grumbled falling onto the couch

"I'm not hungry." He said getting back and going into their bedroom, Hermione followed and they lay on the bed talking for a long time. Their fingers intertwined, they cuddled together and spoke in whispers, about life as young parents, about family, values, morals they hoped to instill. When they thought about it, they really weren't that young when it came to children. In fact, most wizards had children between the ages of 18-22. Well, you leave Hogwarts at 17, you are situated in your job at 18 or 19 and you're pretty much set for life…what else was there do to? A confidence came over Ron and Hermione as they both realized, they wanted to keep their baby.


	3. Neither of them, August, Happy Birthday

Disclaimer: I do not own the Talking heads song used in the previous chapter and this chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter characters…but I did invent Dr. Hath. Let me know if you want more of this!

Note: I refuse to refer to Dr. Hath as a man or a woman and thereby allow you imagine whoever you want as the doctor.

Chapter 3-Neither of them, August, Happy Birthday

Neither of them had to say a word, the final decision seemed to consist of an energy that traveled between their bodies and minds. Ron gazed at her, and her delicious brown eyes, which were usually on the lighter side, had now fallen into a deep brown and their reaches seemed nearly endless.

Their hands still intertwined, he kissed the back of hers and held it to his chest. It was always funny to him how life didn't always need words, and this was a defining moment between the two of them. They both continued to work as if nothing was going on; they wanted to keep this quiet for a while.

It wasn't out of distrust or anything, but the last 9 years of their life had been stress, horror, death and deceit; not to mention that it had been highly public as well. Their lives were an open book to people throughout their Hogwarts years, their adolescence and teenage years because of their best friend, because of their ordeals and because of their status and beliefs.

They'd been forced into positions that they didn't always like but took because of their loyalty and love for their friend; and for once, it was nice to have something that belonged only to the two of them. Ron, who usually had a big mouth managed to keep this wonderful secret, but he couldn't contain his excitement and happiness.

George, Harry and his family had all passed it off for the bliss of being a newlywed. Hermione on the other hand felt no real attachment at all at first, and it worried her. She'd seen all the movies and TV shows about the expectant mother so lovingly attached to the near microscopic child inside of her, and at 2 months simply couldn't relate at all. RON on the other hand, was completely attached and giddy picking out names, wondering what hair color it would have, even whose personality traits it might inherit.

And when they had a follow up appointment Ron had flooded Hath with so many questions that end of one of Ron's rants Hath had simply sat in their chair wide eyed, looking overwhelmed. Taking a deep breath and not blinking Hath responded

"Ron…I am going to give you these materials," Hath begun gathering some books and pamphlets "and hopefully, they will answer all 700 questions you amazingly managed to come out with," Hath told checking their watch "in a total of 3 minutes and 1 second." Hath, along with their American accent had a funny sense of humor. Hermione had to laugh a bit; she was approaching the middle of her 3rd month of pregnancy and still didn't feel "pregnant". Hath explained that it was normal and some women take longer than others.

At work a woman named Alexandra Pebbletear, who worked as an Auror had just announced that she was pregnant and many people were thrilled to hear so, word spread quickly of this kind of happy news. Pebbletear had broadcast the information at lunch and Hermione had simply sat with Luna watching, taking in the reactions of everyone around them. Luna brought the spoon to her mouth her lips closed around it, her expression conveying that she clearly enjoyed it; Hermione was finally becoming able to eat again without getting ill.

"How is married life?" Asked Luna looking at Hermione who seemed taken aback from her pregnancy thoughts.

"Oh, it's fine. Tired from work I suppose." Was all Hermione replied; Luna only nodded at the comment, paused for a long moment and then added after sever moments of silence

"Anything else on your mind, you seem to have a vibe about you."

Straightening herself up a bit, Hermione asked a question back

"A vibe?", Luna looked at Hermione and then down at Hermione's abdomen. Hermione felt her eyes widen and her face get hot

"Don't worry Hermione," Luna said dreamily "I won't tell anyone, it's clear you don't want anyone know…but, may I ask why?" Luna asked, hesitating Hermione looked away, sighed and then explained

"Well, you see, the last few years for Ron, myself and everyone have been very stressful," she began, and Luna listened intently "We spent 5 years running from death and Danger and then 2 years meeting it head on; it's been so public and difficult, people even knew when we got married. It seemed as if nothing has belonged to us, always some rumor or some dilemma that we decided that this was the first real thing that was just _OURS_." Hermione explained, looking at Luna waiting for a reaction. Luna sat, as if choosing her words very carefully and finally said

"All right." With a shrug, Hermione laughed a sigh and then went on with their lunch; retuning home that night she had found a note on the fridge that read "went out to get dinner, will be back. Love, Ron."

She smiled at the note and headed toward the shower. It was impossibly hot for August, reaching a blistering 95 degrees, indeed this seemed the time for extremes. Taking off her robes Hermione looked at herself naked in the mirror, surprise swept her body. There is was, just a few inches above her thick black pubic hair- a bump.

It was small, it was barely noticeable…it was, exquisite. Hermione felt something well up within that hadn't been there the last 4 months, for some reason it felt like it was real now. Everything about it was real, it was there and it was inside of her, her and Ron were going to be parents.

The realization washed over Hermione the way cold wind does when you emerge from a pool. She heard the door slam and immediately she called Ron's name loudly. There was a pause and then heavy footsteps going toward her from around the corner. Ron opened the door panicked looking around the bathroom, at first everywhere and then settling on Hermione, his chest was heaving up and down, his eyes wide, horror in them as well.

"Are you alright?" Hermione asked surprised, and not minding her nakedness

"You," Ron heaved "You yelled my name." he panted squatting a bit placing his hands on his knees

"I have a bump! LOOK!" She exclaimed placing Ron's hand just below her navel, he looked up and his features softened greatly. He gazed at his hand and it seemed as if he'd fallen through a trap door and emotions he didn't know existed surrounded him everywhere. He stood up and looked down at Hermione, sometimes she forgot how big he was, at 6'1 inches Ron towered above her.

He kissed her and mumbled something about dinner waiting. They showered together and headed into the kitchen, which had always seemed to be their place of solace. That night they laughed hysterically in bed at different baby names and debated whether they wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. They thought of all of the muggle and wizarding names they hated, the generic ones, and the overused ones and so on.

September was 1 week away, and somewhere around Hermione's 21 birthday they'd be reaching their 5th month, it was decided that at Hermione's birthday party they would announce their pregnancy. Hath said they supported Ron and Hermione's reasons for keeping quiet but that around the 4 or 5th month was when most women began to show and it would be evident anyway. Dr. Hath had been more than supportive in helping them prepare.

They hadn't been around babies or even children much and now here they expecting their own. They found themselves at the end of August and although the Ministry was air conditioned Hermione wasn't sure if she would want to wear 16 pounds of robes in the 110 degree heat. She was happy that they were coming out with it soon, and Ron was having a hard time working with George all day and not being able to spill the beans about all the plans that they had!

The more they anticipated telling people the more the days seemed to slow down. The small room at the end of the hall would do for a nursery, they didn't need much room for the first few years and it was cozy enough. Throwing her robes angrily onto the couch Hermione gasped for air, the heat was doing her in, but it was a weekend and only 6 days until her birthday. It didn't manage to cool down quite like she had hoped but steadily the temperature was dropping by the day- but at 96 degrees was still ridiculous. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a figure emerge, it was Ron, but he was covered in some sort of substance and looked vexed, terribly vexed. His hands were on his hips and he was beating his fingers against his pants.

"What's happened to you?" Hermione turned

"Paint…muggle paint." Yes, she recognized the smell now. Ron was _**DETERMINED**_ to do things the way that muggles did. It was about this time in their marriage that he became quite serious about it. If they were going to live amongst muggles than they would act and do as muggles and Ron was very serious about this. Yes they had quite a bit of wizarding neighbors as well, but the muggle population was greater in their area and it was a learning experience for him, growing up in a wizarding home and not have much contact with muggles until Hermione's parents. Holding back laughter Hermione spoke

"I see you chose yellow, I like that it's neutral."

"Hermione you can laugh, I did." He told, and she let out a loud laugh

"Oh My LORD!" She began as she got up walking toward him "HOW I LOVE BEING MARRIED TO YOU." She grinned and smiling, Ron wrapped him arms around her and kissed her passionately, it was later on that evening they both smiled to each other getting the yellow paint stains out of the rug- the muggle way.

**Mrs. Granger-Weasley…are you glowing?**

Glancing at herself in the mirror, she gave herself a sexy look over her shoulder and then rolled her eyes. Hermione may have owned one or two dresses, but for the occasion she bought a flowy floral print dress that Ron raved she looked "GLORIOUS and sexy" in. He added a Latin tone with the sexy, which was funny with his red hair and all. Everyone was scheduled to come at 6:00 and it was 5:45. Together they had prepared an enormous meal, the whole event was being held at the Weasleys' as they had a big yard. Hermione couldn't even really remember who she'd invited but many guests were supposed to be in attendance. Throwing a cardigan around her shoulders and slipping her thickening arms through she looked at herself once more in the mirror, the bulge was undeniable. They arrived in front of the burrow as the sun was just dropping below the horizon. A beautiful wave of pinks and blues bathed the sky and a few stars were visible, Arthur and Molly emerged with their arms open wishing her a happy birthday when they both stopped mid sentence, they saw that Hermione was visibly pregnant and they were quiet.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US!" They yelled smiling walking toward them and listened intently as Ron explained their reasons for secrecy. Although, Arthur and Molly seemed quite hurt by this, they knew Ron and Hermione meant nothing by it and welcomed them in. Fleur and Billy were sitting on the couch when Molly announced the good news, everyone seemed so happy. Guests arrived slowly and the news spread, the party had moved to the backyard were floating lanterns and music filled the air. Harry stood before Ron, his eyes wide with shock.

"Ron," Harry commenced placing his hand on his forehead in disbelief "I can't believe this, it's wonderful!" Harry breathed taken aback, suddenly he saw a flash of an 11 year old Ron sitting on the train as Hermione threw nasty looks his way- they'd come so far since then and now they were having a baby. Harry and Ron hugged tightly and let go, he and Ginny were also very obliged to be asked to be God parents

"Well, I'm already a god father," Harry smiled realizing it

"Yes, and that's great but I'm not a god mother!" Ginny spat elbowing him in the side. Hermione smiled but noticed that Ginny's face fell into one of contempt. She was looking over Hermione's shoulder at the tall figure; Hermione turned and was met with the same surprise. It was Astoria Greengrass, but Ginny was glaring at the person whom she had invited.

Although Astoria was a Slytherin and 2 years behind her they had always been friendly. She often wondered why Astoria was in Slytherin and came to the conclusion it must have been her pureblood status though Astoria's simple and polite personality would have told you otherwise. Unlike most Slytherins Astoria did not have a colossal sense of self-importance and preservation, Astoria simply sought to coexist in harmony, though she'd kept many of those thoughts to herself and asked Hermione to do the same. It was the tall, blond Slytherin at her side that made them all wonder- what was Astoria doing with Malfoy?

"I should kick his ass out of here." Ron spat angrily, but Hermione had convinced him otherwise. Astoria and Draco approached Hermione, Astoria with openness and Draco quite gingerly, looking from Harry to Ron and then anywhere else.

Draco quickly excused himself and found the bar, Ron and Harry watched as he put his left hand over his eyes and finished off a glass of bourbon…and then a gin…and then a scotch…and then some vodka, and then different assorted alcohols. Ginny who had always like Astoria as well inquired deeply, with disapproving crossed arms as to what Astoria saw in _Mr. Pureblood_, it became evident at once that Astoria was rejecting of Ginny's tone, who was quickly regretful for using it.

It turned out that over a year ago Astoria's mother set her up with Draco on a date; Astoria had never been keen on Draco nor his reputation, or that of his girlfriend Pansy who was malicious. Draco had finally left Pansy not only on his own accord but of his parents' wishes as well. It turned out that not only was Pansy critical and vindictive to muggles and muggle-borns but was quite disrespectful to _everyone_.

After Draco left her apparently Pansy went into a rage, and spent the next year trying to destroy his name, but failed and no one had heard from her since, her family maintained that she was having an extended vacation in France, but many wizards and witches had significant evidence that Pansy had been sentenced to 33 years in Azkaban for _cruel and perverse crimes against wizards, witches and muggles_. Draco on the other hand has reformed quite a bit and to Harry and Ron's own surprise and even delight, had extreme bouts of depression and often spoke of how he regretted the way that he treated people, especially Harry during their time at Hogwarts. Astoria even let slip that Draco was battling alcoholism and was seeking help.

Most of this was delight to everyone's ears as Draco had tormented them relentlessly for years and had personally seen to it that they suffered. The night pressed on, people ate, drank and danced merrily, at one point during the night Draco held in his hand a bottle of alcohol exclaiming "EVERYONE DRINK UP! WE'RE NOT HAVING A BABY!!" as he motioned toward Astoria who looked only raised her eyebrow and shook her head.

Everyone found the act to be hysterical as drunk Draco Malfoy proved to FUN Draco Malfoy. He ended up sitting on the couch with both his long arms around Ron and Harry, crying about how sorry he was and how he wanted to change everything. Harry looked at Ron; they were both holding back tears from laughter.

Around 3 am Hermione and everyone had gone home but Ron, Harry and Draco were passed out drunk on the couch. Ron awoke to the sounds of talking, checking his watch he saw that it was 12:00 in the afternoon and Harry and Draco seemed to be conversing politely.

"Good morning." Said Harry resting his hands on his head

"Morning," Ron spoke unclearly scratching his back

"Did you have a good night?" Harry asked, as Ron's eyes focused he saw that Harry and Draco both had extreme bed head, Ron realized it was the first time he'd seen Draco without large amounts of product in his hair. Ron said nothing

"I had a good time last night." Draco sand raising his hand

"Yeah," Harry began "I think the whole goddamned wizarding community knows you had a good time last night." Harry told wide eyed looking at Draco, Ron laughed to himself and he walked down the hall and headed for the bathroom.


	4. This womans work

Disclaimer: I do not own the songs "This womans work" by Kate Bush, or the poem "Passing love" by Langston Hughes

_Chapter 4: This woman's work_

There was a certain freedom that came with being out with their pregnancy. It was liberating to finally be comfortable with people knowing, Hermione didn't know why she felt so off about it all, and maybe she was afraid of their criticisms. Ron didn't have to work until 9 as at the store they were having a night party which they had once every few months, it was always a riot and they always raised money for worthy causes.

Ron seemed giddy and happy as ever, showing everyone sonograms of their baby- though many wizards were more interested in the muggle piece of paper then the actual infant. Arthur and Molly were beside themselves; apparently Molly spent many an hour sewing baby clothes, making hats and little baby cardigans. Hermione and Ron had busied themselves making up a nursery, they had both decided that it was better to paint the room yellow then "boy" and "girl" colors, besides assigning colors just wasn't them.

They had everything worked out, Hermione would take the first 6 months off, then Ron would take the next 6 months off and by the time their baby was a year old, it would be old enough to be in day care. Hermione stood in the doorway of the nursery, watching Ron fidget with the crib, his ears turning about the color of his hair until finally; out of rage he used magic to put it together.

Hermione was now in her 7th month of pregnancy and no robes could hide it any longer, she had slightly feared at work that many people would see a pregnant woman as fragile and helpless when she felt quite the opposite. She felt, strong and determined, and more beautiful then ever. Her whole body had r and her small frame looked awkward with a giant round bulge in the center, speaking of center, her center of gravity was completely thrown off and Ron found her "waddle" quite amusing.

He teased her endlessly and they always had a good laugh. It was odd thinking that only 3 years ago, they had been out hiding in several forests with Harry, looking for Horacrux's and escaping death at the slightest. They battled so much in those years, Hermione still remembered the night that Ron had had enough and left the tent, left Hermione and Harry to fight alone, how angry she had been, how heart broken, and it was only 3 years ago. Ron was incredibly helpful though, he'd grown so much in the past few years and she wouldn't trade him for the world.

"I think it's a girl." Ron commented walking her to her office

"You've been listening to women talk about how you can tell the sex by the way that they carry it!" Hermione laughed, defensively

"WELL," Ron began to protest "Apparently if you carry higher it's a boy and lower for a girl." Ron said placing his hands on her belly

"You really want a girl?" Hermione asked softly

"As long as it's human really," He smirked and Hermione slightly smacked his shoulder, he kissed Hermione wrapping his arms around her, and it felt incredibly right. Harry stood down the hall; he was peeking his head out of an office that he'd been visiting and couldn't help but smile profusely.

It was all very sweet, it was all very funny, it all very Ron and Hermione. Harry thought about his own wife; it was odd how when you're friend gets married or pregnant people suddenly start asking you when you're intending on having a baby. The question horrified him and Ginny intensely as they had no plans whatsoever to venture into parenthood.

At the moment he and Ginny felt like two young adults who were enjoying their marriage and each other. Ginny wanted to be a journalist and Harry just wanted to exist peacefully, but at the moment they were both pursuing goals and working together to complete them. Harry made his way down the other end of the hall watching them make out, first he looked over his shoulder and then turned around completely, they didn't see him and he did a little shimmy with a laugh as he turned around only to bump into someone.

Apologizing he hurried on, still smiling; he couldn't believe that only a few years ago they were hiding out in different forests searching for Horacrux's and now they were having a baby together, Harry thought about them and realized that he wouldn't trade friendship with them for the world. Harry continued down the hall savoring the lovely feelings he harbored for his friends.

_Merry Christmas Ron and Hermione, month 8_

It was pouring down rain outside The Burrow, the whole was alive with laughter and love, Christmas Eve dinner was being prepared in the kitchen, and everyone was there except Bill and Fleur who had opted to visit France for Christmas. Ron and Hermione were sitting on the couch watching the fire and Harry and Ginny had retired upstairs.

"This time next year," Hermione whispered tiredly "We'll have an 11 month old, running around the house." she spoke, Ron smiled and imagined a red haired toddler in a diaper and shirt running happily.

A fat little baby that was loved, the idea of being a father has settled with Ron quite well, there wasn't much that he was terribly good at in life, but loving Hermione he felt he was exceptional at and being a good father felt equally as right. Hermione stood and went to change into her sleep clothes in the bathroom; she took a good look at her face.

It was much fatter than it ever had been and underneath her chin she had a second one. It wasn't the most attractive thing ever, but she only had 2 weeks until her due date. Her and Ron hadn't even been married a year, in fact, they'd really only been married for 9 months and here she was about to have a baby! As she removed her shirt she found it unreal how far her abdomen protruded, and when the baby gave a turn the whole thing moved. It usually made her giggle, she pulled her shirt over her head and quickly ran out into the living room, she sat beside Ron and his eyes lit up, he placed his hand on her and felt their baby move in a series of somersaults. They sat delighted for the next hour as he or she twisted and turned.

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

_January 26 3:01 am_

_Pray god you can cope_

_I stand outside, this womans work_

_This womans world_

_Oohh it's hard on the man_

_Now his part is over_

_Now starts the craft, of the father_

_I know you got a little life in you left,_

_I know you got a lot of strength yet_

_I know you got a little life in you left,_

_I know you got a lot of strength yet_

_I should be crying but I just can't let it show_

_I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking_

_All the things I should have said that I never said_

_All the things we should have done though we never did_

_All the things that you needed from me_

_All the things that you wanted for me_

_All the thing I have given but I didn't…._

_Oh darling…make it go away._

_Give me these moments, give them back to me._

Hermione's eyes tightened a moment, the way ones do when someone turns on the light and they've been asleep a while. But no light had been turned on, and Ron was like a rock beside her. Lately Ron has been sleeping on his right side curled up, giving Hermione more moving room; every time she turned during the night regardless of how minimal the entire bed flopped sometimes and Ron would lay there as if nothing happened at all.

Sleeping had become a game for Ron and Hermione; he had to help her get out of bed sometimes and when she got into bed she had to situate herself with a pillow between her legs and underneath her hips as sleeping on her side had become the only comfortable way to sleep. Dr. Hath explained that sleeping would be difficult not only because of the pressure on her bladder, and upper torso or the pain in her back, but also because fetuses spend most of the day sleeping because the movement of the mother lulls them to sleep and as a result are most active at night when movement is limited.

Hermione had been having trouble sleeping for the last two months and was sleep deprived and even more so now that there was significant pressure upward and downward. Her Diaphragm was being pushed upward and made so that she was out of breath constantly and the baby had settled into her lower abdomen in preparation for birth and she could feel the pressure pulling downward. She sighed heavily and with a slight adjustment fell back to sleep quickly.

_3:25 am_

Strange dream. Pain. Hermione was dreaming, she wasn't pregnant in her dream, she was standing in a field wearing a white slip and someone was stabbing her repeatedly in her lower abdomen and around the navel, and they were putting quite a bit of fury and force behind it. She stood there looking shocked with her hands at her side, palms facing the attacker and they were open.

There wasn't a lot of blood, just some staining her slip, and then the attacker looked at her and vanished and after they left blood poured from her abdomen and as it the ground it turned into flowers that bloomed all different shades and colors. But the pain hadn't ceased and she was now waking up.

Her eyes opened and sleep left her rapidly, looking at the black outline of the clock she saw that she'd only slept for 24 minutes but before that she'd slept for 7 hours, which was the best she'd done in weeks. She got out of bed after about 2 minutes of struggling and went down stairs to watch television; the news was on incredibly early for the hour as they were experiencing a blizzard

"Thank you Tom," said a black man with a south Manchester accent "They're calling it the blizzard of the century outside as 15 feet or more of snow has fallen around Great Britain coating it in what some are calling 'A winter hell', this is being broadcast via satellite as most of the communications is out around Great Britain. Some of the more affected places are Lewisham, Golders Green and Edgeware. Most of these places have been evacuated and emergency shelters are being opened up for them as well as the homeless." Hermione sighed and switched the channel to Wizarding World News. Ever since Voldemort had died the wizarding world had become slightly more tolerant of muggle ways and for convenience they had set up a few wizarding channels. Plus Hermione had the hots for Hershel Goldman, a young wizard and news anchor for the channel, it was kind of the reason she watched it at all as she found the programming boring, the news with Hershel Goldman was always a pleasure. He could tell you the most horrible things but still be so beautiful. Plus he was from one of the few pure blooded wizarding families that always vehemently spoke out against Voldemort.

"Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink," Hershel sang and smiled that million dollar smile "As most of you know, Great Britain is being swept by a blizzard that some are calling the blizzard of the century." He went on and spoke about the things the muggle anchors were probably saying but added on to it for wizards "The Ministry of Magic has issued a statement warning witches and wizards against traveling via broom or any other magical means and that if you must leave your home, please do so by using the Floo network. But please be warned that this will be difficult as thousands of witches and wizards are flooding markets and stores along Diagon Alley to stalk up on supplies. Also let it be known that Disparating is also a means of travel but the Ministry is strong advising to only do in case of an emergency and to stay within the safety of your own home." Hermione watched for a few moments longer but wasn't paying attention. Goldman was talking and laughing as his shiny black girls glistened and his brown eyes pierced the camera.

Last month he had married Delana Rosenblatt, she worked in the Department of Muggle affairs. They were both of pureblood status but Hermione felt like that had little to do with them marrying; a few months prior when Hermione was still at work she'd been sent up there to collect some data files when there he stood, Hershel Goldman! He was much, much, much prettier than Delana and was quite lovely. He shook Hermione's hand and grinned. They had a brief conversation and then she left quickly squealing as she went along. She'd never told anyone about meeting him really or her crush on him but Ron picked up on it when she always turned off the news when Goldman had finished.

Ron was jealous in a funny way, but didn't mention it much. About to get off of the couch Hermione felt an intense squeeze in her lower abdomen, it was like horrible menstrual cramps and she realized that it was the same cramp from earlier, and that she'd been having contractions. Her eyes widened and she didn't even know she'd done it, but when she heard a thud she realized that Ron had fallen out of bed and the door to their bedroom opened. Ron came out, hair all disheveled and looking wild-eyed.

"What's wrong, what is it?" He asked his wand in hand at his side

"I'm in labor!" She yelled recovering from the last contraction, Ron looked horrified

"Are you sure?" he asked, and Hermione shot in a _are you a moron?_ look. Realizing it was for real Ron was panic-stricken running about the house frantically grabbing the suitcase Hermione had packed, putting her coat on her and alas opening the front door to bed met with 4 feet of snow tightly packed in front of it. He looked to Hermione surprised and she explained the situation.

"The floor network is too busy, we could be waiting for hours, we'll have to Disparate." She elucidated tying her shoes. Ron looked out the window studying the outside surrounding as if to make sure he was in England and not somewhere in Russia. Ron shimmied his shoes onto his feet and holding his suitcase he put an arm around Hermione and they left their house.

_4:55 am_

Arriving at the front of the hospital they quickly entered brushing the snow out of their hair and clothes and looked around. The hospital was filled with people, crying babies and children, people holding bandages to their heads.

"Blimey," Ron huffed looking around noticing a few people staring at him oddly, he looked down at himself and saw that he was still wearing his boxers and white sleeping shirt; embarrassed he realized that he hadn't even remembered to get dressed.

"Don't worry." Hermione said shaking the suitcase

"How did you know to pack me clothes?" He smiled nudging her

"Had a feeling." She smiled back; together they approached the front desk and without looking up the receptionist spoke

"You'll need to fill out these forms and someone will be with you, you've got about 57 people ahead of you." She spoke giving them a clipboard

"Uh, we're here to have a baby." Ron said his voice a little edgy by her tone

"Oh," she breathed looking up at Hermione; Obstetrics is on the 5th floor, just take the elevator down the hall. They approached the next desk and this time they were met with a smile

"Can I help you?" He said politely and then helped them into their room "Is there anything else I can get for you?" He asked, and Ron and Hermione turned to look at him

_5:54 am_

Hath was sleeping like a baby. They were so relaxed in their bed, warm and comfy and had been sleeping around 9 hours already. But now they could hear someone speaking, saying their name, speaking but Hath didn't understand a word. They were horribly mispronouncing their first name.

"IT'S DR. HATH." He hissed tiredly at the speaking radio beside them whose lips curved into a grimace

"This is Whitshooks General Hospital for Witches and Wizards," it began "We've just received your patients The Weasleys' as Hermione Granger-Weasley is in labor."

"How far apart are the contractions?" Hath asked groggily wiping their eye

"Every 24 minutes." They informed, Hath thought, they had time, a few hours probably

"All right, make sure she's comfortable; give her anything she may want for the pain, I'll be there in a few hours." Hath said putting their face back into the pillow

"On the contrary, due to the blizzard and your location we've scheduled you to arrive by Floo in 34 minutes." The voice said, and then notified Hath on the weather conditions. Sighing loudly Hath threw the covers off and put their feet on the floor. They were going to have to call a nanny service. Their daughter was away at Hogwarts but their son was only 7 and to young to go, as well being left alone. They sent the request to the nanny service and within 10 minutes another letter was shooting through the air

"_The Warm Love Nanny Service thanks you for your interest and shall be sending you a nanny soon. As with your situation, the nanny shall be made aware that you're job requires you to be aware for an unknown amount of time."_ It spoke and then vanished with a few green sparks. Hath showered and quickly said goodbye to their son whom was still full asleep

"This snow," a voice spoke from behind Hath quite vexed, turning Hath saw a skinny woman about 81 years old shaking her umbrella. They exchanged good mornings and Hath left her money for food for both herself and Trevin, upstairs. As Hath disappeared into the Floo system their thoughts went back, far back…15 years back. Being a single parent wasn't the problem, it was being left. 15 years ago Hath was still living in America, their home. They were from Salem, OR and had graduated from a Wizarding school just outside of Portland. They'd worked in Portland at a Wizarding Hospital when they had fallen in love. Their whole family was against it, they never like them. But Hath married them anyway and even packed up, moving an entire continent away to be with them. The marriage produced two children, Minnie, who was 11 and Trevin who was 7. They'd walked out about 5 years before and Hath hadn't seen them since. Hath had been suspicious something was going on, as even their partners family warned that they had never stayed with someone long. But apparently 11 years was to long and they were out of there. They breathed sharply and found themselves standing on the 5th floor; they knew the 5th floor well and walked up to the front desk.

"Dr. Hath for the Granger-Weasley family," Hath spoke and were directed to the room.

Upon entering the room they saw Hermione sitting up while Ron, who looked panicked was rubbing her back.

"Is that helping?"

"No, but don't stop." She breathed

"Good to know." Ron grumbled

"How are we?" Hath asked

"I, I think I'm dying." Hermione said, her tone indicated like it was occurring to her for the first time

"You want anything for the pain?" Hath asked, but Hermione shook her head

"She's declined everything! She's a sadist I tell you! A sadist!" Ron told loudly, Hermione laughed slightly

"I want it all natural. It'll only be a few more minutes." She reassured

"Uh, Hermione," Hath paused "According to your chart, you're only dilated to 5, you've got 5 more to go…"

"Yeah, that'll only take like a little while longer right? It's already been a few hours."

"Yeah, but we're estimating it might be a few hours more."

"Well, HOW MUCH MORE?" Ron asked wide eyed, Hath paused

"About 8. Maybe." They said quickly, and Ron and Hermione repeated it in shock

"I know, the contractions will keep getting worse and closer and closer together. We can give you something for the pain so that by the time your in active labor it will be all natural."

"Sound great," Ron nodded

"NO!" Hermione shouted "All natural! All natural!" She said again and again

_7:45_

"Please, I, I must be close now." Hermione panted, Ron held her hand while his free right hand patted some of the sweat from her forehead.

"You've only progressed 1 centimeter." Hath noted and Hermione yelled in frustration

"I really want to give you some Petocin,"

"Will it make the pain go away?" Ron asked looking at Hath

"No," Hath said and Ron raised an eyebrow "It'll make it worse," just as Ron opened his mouth to angrily contest Hath spoke quickly "It'll make it worse because it will speed up labor and open the cervix making for a quicker delivery." As the words left Hath's mouth Ron and Hermione looked at each other.

_10:00 am_

Hermione was rocking herself back and forth through the contraction. Nothing had progressed and they were still at 7 centimeters. Hath had explained that most first time labors took around 18 hours but Hermione felt as if a Millennia had passed. Ron went out to get himself some coffee, and then they were going to walk around the floor, it helped speed things along.

"Hermione when did you first feel contractions." Hath asked checking her cervix,

"Around 3 in the morning," she said and then told them about the dream, Hath paused

"A lot of patients have that. They'll be asleep and in labor and then have a dream about being injured where they feel pain or dream of actually labor."

Hermione felt bad for the latter…giving birth twice, technically even if it was a dream. Ron returned, drank his coffee and they walked out into the hall. They got around the corner when they saw a familiar face. Draco Malfoy was stumbling along the corridor; we walked right passed them when Hermione said his name. He smiled and waved and kept walking when Ron called his name he turned and walked back.

"How are you?" He slurred, and he smelled like Gin and ass

"Have you been drinking this morning?" Hermione asked concerned, Draco nodded aggressively "It's 10:00 am you've already begun drinking?" Hermione asked again

"Lemme tell ya something," Draco slurred holding up a finger "I didn't _START_ drinking this morning, because I never stopped from last night." He corrected, Ron and Hermione looked both sad and disgusted

"Why are you here…on the maternity ward?" Ron asked, Draco furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and looked around

"Is this where this is? Where's the Intensive Care ward?" He slurred; Hermione looked startled

"Is Astoria alright?" She urged, Draco snickered and waved his hand "She's fine." He assured, they hadn't noticed but Lucius Malfoy was heading toward them, determination imprinted on his face.

"Draco," he hissed taking Draco by the arm much more gently then Ron and Hermione had expected

"HELLO," Draco smiled

"Is everything alright Mr. Malfoy?" Hermione asked, but Ron sneered at him

"Just fine, family matters." Lucius said coldly, uncomfortable by being in their room, obviously disgusted by the fact that a half-blood would be entering the world soon.

"Mum had a heart attack last night," Draco said and with the words Lucius's face fell slightly. Hermione examined it again and he looked bad, it was clearly evident that he hadn't slept in about 35 hours, and his eyes were slightly puffed as if from crying. He looked down at Hermione, and her visible pregnancy and then back at Ron. Lucius appeared to open his mouth slightly as if to give some remark on Purebloods and Mudbloods reproducing but then looked at Draco as if he had remembered what they'd done for him, how they saved his life. Lucius looked at Draco again and quickly pulled him away. Draco waved furiously as he disappeared down the hall.

_1:08 pm_

"You're up to 9 centimeters!" Hath told overjoyed, but was not met with the same enthusiasm, Ron was asleep next to Hermione and Hermione looked exhausted, like she was falling off into sleep. It was then that they heard a knock at the door which opened quietly. A few redheads walked in along with a brunette male and they were all smiles.

"Can I help you?" Hath said surprised

Hermione felt a slight tap at the shoulder; she opened her eyes and saw Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, Harry, George and Fleur standing by the bed

"How are you?" They asked, Hermione explained the situation and asked when they had gotten the message

"A few hours ago," Mrs. Weasley told

"But the Floo network has been intense. We've had to wait to come, we almost Disaparated." Mr. Weasley smiled; they stayed and chatted.

_3:34 pm _

12 hours of pain. Agony, relentless pain pulsing through her body; Hermione squinted her eyes and rubbed her temples, she officially had a migraine. Dr. Hath wouldn't let her deliver with a migraine and last a charm that made the pain and any trace of it vanished. Dr. Hath smiled

"10 centimeters!" Hath cheered throwing their arms in the air, Hermione and Ron smiled, a tear fell down his cheek, he was so happy.

_5:55_

Initially Ron had expected that pushing would only take around 15 minutes, but he quickly found that he was wrong. Hath said that this was all normal and that some people have difficult deliveries and it usually was the first one. Finishing another set of pushes Hermione let go of Ron's hand which was red and sore. She was crying with frustration and pain.

"You're doing so well," Ron whispered kissing her head, and the admiration in his voice was strong, making Dr. Hath and the nurse smile. Hermione's hair was wet and matted, and with the next push her whole body trembled.

"VERY GOOD HERMIONE!" Hath praised "I can see the head, only a few more pushes." Hath spoke looking down at the head, a faint smile crossed Hermione face but ultimately she was too tired to do anything, she exhaled loudly

"Ron," Hath said, and Ron, who was patting Hermione's hair looked to Hath

"You want to see?"

"See what?" Ron asked and Hath gave him a look

"See your child's head Ron." Hath spoke smiling, Hermione let out an "OH MY GOD!" shriek and Ron quickly sprinted around and stood in amazement. There is was, crowning the head of his child, without warning, Hermione gave another push and her vulva bulged, the entire head behind the skin now.

"Oh no," Hermione shook "I can feel it going back in!" she cried

"No, it's alright, that's normal, keep going Hermione!" Hath supported, another push, and another, and another and the head had completely emerged. As the head came out Hermione let out a loud yell that everyone in the waiting room heard. The head had dark brown thick hair. Ron felt suddenly as if he'd fallen through a trap door of emotions; everything his entire life he hadn't allowed himself to feel, or didn't want people to know he could feel. He could sense his chest heaving and he had to blink to relieve the water build up in his eyes as they made streams down his face, collapsing out of his eyes and onto his cheeks, further down dropping off of his chin and onto his shirt.

A shoulder appeared and he quickly met Hermione at her side putting an arm around her and the other holding her hand which she happily squeezed forcefully and although Ron felt the pressure the pain seemed nil in his hand. She sighed loudly and let out a cry when Ron felt her body relax and she leaned into him her eyes closed, he kissed her head, it was all over now. Hermione was crying happily, although she seemed too exhausted for it she mustered just enough energy to let out a few tears.

Ron kissed her mouth and she returned it. The moment was incredible and beautiful and consisted of all things he never thought it would. The air however, wasn't thick with the screams of new life, Ron hadn't noticed but Hath had disappeared behind a curtain.

"Dr. Hath?" Hermione said her voice weak and thick, she looked around and saw no one, and Ron looked at her and saw approval in her eyes. He walked over to the small curtain area and Hath, doing CPR and resuscitating a baby boy looking rather blue, Hath had beads of sweat dripping from their forehead, and Hath's eyes met Ron's and the realization that burst open in Ron's stomach nearly forced him to his knees.

He looked back about 15 feet and saw Hermione's' head laying against the pillow her eyes closed; 14 minutes had elapsed when he saw Hath sigh loudly with frustration all over them. In their tone, in their voice, what frightened Ron most was when the frustration turned to innate and heavy sadness; profound sadness intensified between Hath and Ron.

"Ron," Hath said slowly removing their gloves and gown "Ron, I want you to walk over to your wife and take her hand."

"W-why? What's happened?" Ron breathed, because his voice was cracking, and Hath only gave him a look, but its information was held within Hath's eyes, which were heavy and dark. It must have sent shock waves through the room that were centered on Ron's body, because he was forced to his knees and he knew that it wasn't his own doing. Hath kneeled down beside Ron, taking his shoulders into her hands

"Ron," Hath said trying to look into his eyes, but they were staring off into some self realizing hell "Ron," she repeated again her voice a little more stern and shaking him back to reality "You two are in this together, now come on and up, I won't say a word unless you're both listening." Hath nearly hissed, mostly angry with herself, Ron began to pull on Hath's lab coat

"I can't let this happen to her," Ron rasped, crying

"You aren't _**letting **_anything happen; this is out of our control. This is a realm in which we as humans and as wizards have no power, you-had-nothing-to-do-with-this." She enunciated every word, and helped Ron to his feet and they walked over to Hermione. Gazing at her face they saw that she appeared to be completely asleep.

"Just, let her rest a while." Ron cried patting her hand, Hath breathed

"Ron, the sooner she wakes up, the longer you'll have to say goodbye." Hath explained, and with the words Ron's head fell and his chest heaved.

Hermione was coming around, she'd fallen a sleep briefly, she couldn't control it, she swore, it as if her body just needed to shut down for a few moments. She opened eyes and saw two sad faces, but her mind was bewildered she wasn't sure what was going on. She heard sobbing, and looked to her right and saw Ron, his right hand covering his eyes and his left holding her right hand.

The words came out, but she didn't understand, like when you're hearing someone but not paying attention. Suddenly the words sunk into her chest and her throat felt as if hot coals had been shoved down it.

She would have made noise when she cried but she hadn't the energy. It was that slow, deep cry, you could laugh like it equally but to cry like it was simply devastation, and without warning, Hermione let out a scream that seemed to reach even God, forcing them from whatever they may have previously been busy with.

This wasn't happening, she squeezed Ron's hand which seemed to be limp with despair, it was the first time in what seemed like forever that she was without him, and he without her. Clara Hath stood silent, her brown hair slightly in her face, that never happened, apparently it had fallen out of its ponytail.

"Ron, Hermione? Do you want to tell your family?" she asked, and Hermione began to fervently shake her head

"No," she rasped "No I can't face them." She cried, and Hath looked shocked

"Hermione, this isn't your fault, it isn't anyone's FAULT." Hath said, and Hermione nodded, but she didn't believe her own nod.

Opening the door Clara Hath walked out into the hallway and saw a crowd sitting around.

"Granger-Weasley Family?" Hath asked, 4 stood

"We're the happy grandparents." Arthur stood pointing to himself, Molly and Karen and Joseph Weasley

"And we're the uncles and aunts." Someone sung and there was laughter. Hath felt something rise up within them, they were about to vomit and they felt light headed. But they composed themselves. The words seemed to flow from them and appeared to have an affect of an atom bomb, for all four grandparents stumbled back slightly in shock and everyone seated looked equally as stunned and upset.

"When can we see our daughter?" Karen Granger asked

"You should probably come back tomorrow." Hath explained

"What if she needs us?" Joseph inquired, Hath chose her words carefully

"I, think that right now she just needs her husband and he needs her." Hath breathed, upon entering the room she found Hermione and Ron sitting together, she was in his lap and they were holding their baby, rocking back and forth. Hath left the room and let them be.

_11:31 pm_

_Because you are to me a song, _

_I must not sing you over long_

_Because you are to me a prayer_

_I cannot say you anywhere_

_Because you are to me a rose_

_You will not stay when summer goes_

Ron repeated the poem for Hermione, and the infant that lay ever still in their arms. Safe in their parents loving arms, they kissed him and their eyes went to the nurse, whose face was soft and solemn, and he gently took the infant from them. He heard sobs as he left the room. Hermione had been falling in and out of sleep, crying in both. Ron was exhausted, he didn't know if it was possible to cry anymore, and against his own will, he fell asleep in the chair.

Harry stirred in his seat slightly, everyone, including Ginny had gone home. But he couldn't leave now, they'd faced horrible things together, unspeakable things, and death was nothing new to the 3 of them, but something like this was different. Harry had spent nearly 1 day in those chairs, and he really didn't mind.

Gaining some confidence he rose up from the chair and walked to their room, he placed his hand on the door before he walked in and saw Hermione and Ron deep asleep. Hermione looked as if she'd sunken into the bed, and his face found Ron asleep in a chair beside her, one hand on her shoulder. He quietly walked over to Ron and knelt down beside him, he whispered his name. But Ron seemed to be in a sleep induced trance and could not be rouses by that alone.

Harry gave Ron a heavy shake and Ron's eyes opened and fell upon Harry. Immediately he realized where he was and started silently sobbing. Harry tried to console him but nothing was working, finally Harry just put his arms around him and held his friend. There seemed to be nothing between them but this moment, like so many years that Ron and Hermione had been there for him, he had to be there for them. But this was not a physical kind of feat; this was pure emotions, which if you ask anyone, is much more difficult. Harry managed to get Ron out of the room for a while, taking Ron back to his and Ginny's, getting him into the shower.

_3:31 am_

Hermione swallowed and then opened her eyes. She felt her abdomen ache, but it was from hunger and not the previous ordeal. Suddenly she remembered her sons face and burst out into tears, sobbing loudly she didn't know how long she'd been doing so, she composed herself and looked at the figure in the doorway and say Luna standing there, looking confused.

"He's died Luna." Hermione choked as Luna walked to Hermione's side crying. The past 2 days had been filled with tears and moans and Hermione didn't ever think such a feeling could be so consistent.

Ron opened his eyes, and realized that he'd fallen asleep on Harry's couch. The room was empty, but he could see a light shining from underneath Harry and Ginny's door, as quietly as possible, he Disaparated and found himself outside the door of Room 34, Hermione's room, he heard her sobbing hysterically and closed his eyes shut, and walked in. Luna was sitting with her and grabbed Hermione's other side and they all held each other.

_7:46 am_

Hermione was racing around the room frantically, packing everything up. She had to get out of there. Ron sat on the edge of the bed, watching. Hath had already cleared them to go, and grabbing Ron's hand they Disaparated into their house. Hermione seemed to collapse onto the bed, crying and then shook a bit, and fell asleep. Sighing heavily, Ron walked into the bathroom and filled up the bathtub, and walked to the bed undressed her and gathering Hermione up in his arms walked back to the bathroom and knelt beside the tub, gently lowering her in.

He poured water over her hair and lathered a sweet smelling shampoo into her. He could feel the oil and the build up of two days leave, all the sweat and agony that had gathered in it. Rinsing it he applied the same conditioner, he underestimated how nice the smell was and that it was slightly uplifting.

Lathering a bar of soap in his hands he gently rolled his fingers over her shoulders and under her arms, her back, between her toes. While still in the bath he drained the water and dried her hair, picking her up and laying her down on the bed, drying her off and dressing her, he pulled the covers over her body and shut off the light, closing the door behind him. She didn't wake up throughout the entire thing.

He collected all the dirty laundry, did a load, put it in the dryer, made himself lunch, sad down, rested, cried a bit and then made Hermione lunch, he brought tray into the bedroom and sat beside her, saying her name quietly, brushing her soft hair out of her face. She stirred a bit.

"Hmmm," she moaned smelling the food; Ron had been encouraging her to eat but she didn't want to, she didn't want to do anything. But Ron's tone had been so gentle, that she just wanted to make him happy. She up, and ate for the first time in nearly two days, and resting her head on her husbands shoulder, she felt slightly better.


	5. Live to tell

Disclaimer: I do not own the Talking heads song used in the previous chapter and this chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter characters. Nor do I own the song by Annie Lennox titled "The saddest song I've got" I highly recommend you listen to it when it's cued, you can find it on

**Chapter 5- Live to tell**

Ron hit the alarm clock and after several moments brought his hand back to his side. He gazed up the ceiling blankly and then sat up looking around the room. The whole routine seemed programmed and he rolled his eyes to himself. His skin felt greasy from the night and he needed a shower. He couldn't decide what to do first. He walked over the shower and turned it on as steam filled the small area.

Stepping underneath it was as if the water had some sort of miraculous properties, but it was just regular water. He sensed that stale morning feeling leave him, he always experienced what seemed like "staleness" in the morning. Some people said that they feel amazing in the morning but Ron had always felt like shit in the morning and had since he was a child. He never liked mornings, Hermione was the morning person, Ron had always been quite keen on the night; he grabbed a Shampoo bottle and squeezed it into his hand, the scent of pomegranate and pine filled the shower and the conditioner had done the same. He always waited last to wash his body, it just felt better.

And while the two previous had smelled of a garden and a forest the body bar was something different. Ron had no idea where Hermione got them but he loved them, she'd been on an "all natural products" binge for a while, even down to their lotion and toothpaste. It was some sort of herbal infusion. Shutting off the water he stepped out sopping wet and was met with intense cold. He quickly grabbed a towel and dried off; running his hands through his hair he looked in the mirror, and he was slightly happy with what he saw.

Making breakfast in the kitchen he debated whether or not he should make Hermione some, but he never knew what time she would be up these days. He checked his watch and realized that he had to go in a few minutes and glanced around the house and living room. Clean but lonely, nothing had really been used at all.

He rubbed his eyes, held back a few tears and left the house. George wasn't coming in until noon; he was having a show at Hogwarts for all of the students there to try out their new line of candies and such. He didn't mind tending the store alone but he didn't plan on working here this long, he always sought bigger and better things for himself and selling candy to children and other people just didn't do it for him.

Besides he always felt like Fred should be the one doing this, Fred was fit for such a business and he often felt bad for George that he had to have a substitute for Fred. No one could ever fill that void and Ron had no plans of intending to. But his brother needed him right now and he did what he always hoped George would do for him. It was around 11:30 when he was reading a book when he heard the door open; he didn't even glance up until he heard the familiar voice of Kingsley Shacklebolt, to which he looked up quite quickly.

"What brings you around these parts?" Ron smiled putting the book down, but Kingsley's smile only held remnants of a smile, he opened his mouth and Ron sensed the apology coming, when you experience as many as he had you can see them coming from a mile away. But Shacklebolt was a wise man and made it brief,

"I hope that everything is going well at home. Is Hermione feeling better?" he questioned with a soft voice, the two security guards behind appeared to not be listening

No. No she wasn't getting better; in fact she was getting much worse. She slept for 17 hours sometimes only to be awake to get some work done, she was a zombie nearly to her husbands own touch which had become unknown to her, like she felt nothing at all.

"Uh, I suppose time will tell." Ron coughed and Kingsley seemed to interpret it correctly that Hermione wasn't well at all.

"I hope that time will show that she is well and happy." Kingsley pursed his lips "But your personal life is not why I have come here." He spoke, Ron's blue eyes met his intense brown ones, Ron leaned in to listen more closely "We'd like you for an Auror. And as you know, I decreed that anyone who participated in the Battle of Hogwarts can become an Auror, of course with tests and trainings, but it isn't as ridiculous as it once was." Shacklebolt told, smiling, Ron's face was slightly white, he felt his guts gurgle

"You really believe that I could be an Auror?" He asked, and Shacklebolts' eyes and smile widened warmly "I wouldn't be here myself if I thought and felt otherwise. Let me know what you think, you know how to reach me." And before leaving he eyed a chocolate Frog, took it in his hands and passed Ron the money and left.

Ron didn't reach for the book but simply stared into space, he thought about how lovely that would be, him and Harry working closely together again, what a treat. But he had to speak it over with Hermione, he needed her input, she always knew what to do and it was a great excuse to talk to her. Lately she was too depressed. He heard the door open again and this time he looked, it was George who was smiling happily walking toward Ron. Apparently things had gone very well at Hogwarts, and many of their prototypes were a success. Ron told him that Kingsley had just come by and gave him the information. George sat, with a hand on his lips, thinking.

"Well, Auror training can take months…right?" George asked

"Yeah," Ron said thinking about it

"Well then, if it all works out, you'll continue to work here, to support yourself and Hermione during your training and when you go full time I will have found a replacement." George clapped his hands together as if he were a brilliant man.

Though Ron spotted it well on, when Hermione's name had passed his lips George's eyebrows fell slightly and his lip had twitched, for Ron it was the last straw. This couldn't go on, his and Hermione's marriage couldn't be shrouded by despair and depression. He was off now and quickly Disaparated home where everything was silent, except the ticking of the clock on the wall. People were more cautious of Hermione's name than they had been when they're lips were trying to handle "Voldemort".

The house smelled slightly musty and Ron realized that he hadn't taken out the garbage and quickly did so. He washed his hands and went into the bedroom, the shades were drawn and he fixed his eyes upon the dark outline that was Hermione. She was laying on the right side of the bed, on her stomach her, very gently her shoulders moved up and down with each deep breath.

She hadn't moved all day and her hair was frizzy and curly and about the entire place, she looked like a wild woman with that hair, but she slept peacefully. Ron saw a bottle of Seconal on top of the bed stand; he opened it and took one, chasing it with some of the juice in the cup next to the bed. The juice was warm but fresh, which meant that most likely a few hours ago she'd gotten up long enough to get some juice and hopefully something to eat. Ron brushed his hair out of his face and crossed his hands gazing at her. He sighed, so heavily that she stirred slightly and opened her eyes. **(The saddest song I've got by Annie Lennox begins to play**

"Hermione?" He spoke and she kept her eyes on him but her hand was reaching for the bottle of Seconal, Ron instinctively grabbed it and she made a pouting noise before turning over. "Hermione, it is one o'clock and you need to get up, if your muscles still work." He told almost cruelly. But he wasn't exactly angry at her as much he was angry at their entire situation, her turned on the light and her eyes pinched shut and she lazily held up a hand to shield herself

"I can't, I can't face the unbearable winter." She cried curling up into a ball, Ron stood at the end of the bed looking pissed

"HERMIONE IT'S APRIL!" He roared as if something detonated within him "IT'S BEEN 3 MONTHS." He continued, she looked at him blinking

"How time passes slowly," she whispered sarcasm in her voice

"You missed my birthday HERMIONE. You completely slept through my birthday, that's how out of it you've been these past months!" he breathed fire now and continued "I don't know how much longer the Ministry will allow you be gone before they fire you." Ron told bluntly as he walked around the other side of the bed facing her, this time she didn't turn away from his gaze

"Let them," she said as tears rolled down her cheeks "What do I care? What've I got to live for?" She cried and the words stung Ron, the way that fire burns fine rice paper the words seemed to rip through his entire mind and soul. He breathed in sharply, the way one might as if they'd stubbed their toe. His eyes filled with tears but they did not ripple over just yet. The words went through him once more, their memory just as powerful and this time tears flowed freely from his eyes and with a cracked thick voice he collected as much stranger as possible and asked

"Nothing to live for Hermione? What about me? What about us?" He breathed with difficulty and angrily stood beside the bed, he finally stopped fighting it and broke down in tears, leaning against the wall and sinking downward, his arms wrapping around his chest for comfort as the reality washed over him. He and his wife were pregnant, their child was a still born, their hopes and dreams went out the window, his wife was in the midst of a nervous breakdown, and it was looking like maybe she didn't love him anymore. At the last thought, Ron inhaled a gust of air and cried. Taking a moment, to just cry.

"You want to kill yourself, go ahead! If you want to rot away in this bedroom be my guest!" He screamed throwing the bottle of Seconal at her, it hit her in the shoulder and rolled toward her chest, Ron burst out of the room slamming the door behind him. Hermione heard the front slam so hard the entire house shook.

It was absolutely lovely outside, a breeze rushed past his face whisking a few tears out of his eyes and along the side and then finally down his cheeks they fell. He caught the scent of something floral in the air and took and incredibly deep breath, deeper than any he had taken before. He looked around the empty street and closed the door behind him gently this time, the force hadn't allowed the front door to close properly. He took a few moments standing on the stoop and finally walked back inside; he walked into the bedroom and saw Hermione; the bottle of Seconal was open with the empty red caplets lying about and she was swallowing the fine powder, inside the capsules were a fine white crushed powder and Hermione had finished off the last one, the sides of her mouth looked like fine snow was resting on them.

He immediately darted for and gathered her up in his arms screaming at her furiously, she looked up at him as tears rolled down her face, her eyes and expression blank as her last lucid thoughts left her. The door the bathroom opened violently as Ron had kicked it and it came off of its top hinge ajar by its secure bottom hinge. Ron turned on the bathtub placing Hermione in sitting her up using the large amounts of water to wash her mouth out. White foam from the Seconal gushed out down her mouth as it mixed with the water; when her mouth was free suddenly Ron realized that there were about 30 pills in their and most of the powder was in her system, thinking fast Ron stuck his pointer and middle fingers down her throat stimulating her epiglottis and although she tried to struggle Ron felt her gagging and the finally her body shook and vomited all over herself and Ron.

After she vomited a few times her body still heaved and but nothing came out. She collapsed over the side of the bathtub and Ron sent an emergency letter to Dr. Hath, whom showed up with 1 minute of Ron sending the letter. He heard Hath's heavy step in the kitchen as they yelled his name.

"IN HERE!" Ron yelled looking over his shoulder, Hath glanced at the door and then at Ron and then at the figure in the bathtub. They gathered Hermione up and Disaparated into the hospital emergency room.

**Live to Tell**

Hath took Hermione's pulse once more and looked at the monitor

"How is she?" Ron asked, his arms crossed, hand over his mouth and rocking himself from side to side, his eyes were read and bloodshot and his skin was pale.

"She's fine. That was good thinking having her vomit. None of the Seconal made it into her system, physically she should be fine and going home within the hour, after a few more cleansing spells." Hath explained, Ron raised his fire engine red eyebrows

"But?" He asked his hand going from his mouth to air

"But I'd say that mentally she's had a nervous breakdown," Hath told and with the words Ron's head fell back, but no tears came, in 3 months he had become accustom to despair and sadness and to his own horror it was becoming more difficult to cry,

"How long?" He asked, Hath looked at him and shrugged

"Four weeks at St. Mungo's for an evaluation," she proposed and Ron let out a moan

"An asylum?" He pleaded gritting his teeth sadly

"I'll be her personal therapist, I'll see to it that she is taken care of." Clara Hath told

"Therapist, Obstetrician you do it all don't you? It's most likely your fault anyhow!" Ron spat and immediately realized what he'd said, his eyes widened and then he held out his hands as if in surrender, "Oh Clara…Oh, I am so sorry." He repeated; Clara Hath stood there with her mouth open, the accusation had pierced her heart it seemed. She didn't excuse herself and she starting crying right in front of him, Ron walked toward her and placed his hands on her upper arms, just below her shoulders.

She was nearly sobbing and through the slits of her eye lids Ron gazed at her dark brown eyes. "I damn myself 1000 million times Dr. Hath, I am SO SORRY!" He stamped at his own idiocy; trying to struggle from his hands Hath made way for the door and down the hall. She sunk to the floor in a vacant room and let it all wash over her. She had felt so guilty that their child was dead, she should have known, she could have done better, it was all her fault it felt. After several minutes she regained herself and sent a letter, and walked back to their room. Hermione was still asleep and Ron sat beside her with his face in his hands.

"I've just contacted Dr. Ansby at St. Mungo's, they'll be here within the hour, so say your goodbyes, but you can visit any time you like." She said leaving, Ron nodded

"Hermione," he whispered and she stirred "I want to say goodbye for now, but I'll stay with you until they come." He spoke and explained to her what was going on, she didn't seem to have a reaction and when the man and woman came to transport her she went easily. Ron entered the house and collapsed onto the couch, and although he was overcome with sadness he didn't cry. But felt slightly relieved, Hermione was going to get the help she needed. He wasn't sure what came over him but suddenly Ron went into cleaning mode, he must have washed everything in the house, he cleaned their entire room, washed the walls even and shampooed the carpets. He cleaned their bedding and replaced it with the lighter spring bedding, which he could do before because Hermione hadn't left the bed in months, well not for longer then a few hours. He glanced at the clock which read 7:51 and yawned, he heard a rapping at the window and opened it, the owl dropped a letter into his hands and it read the following

"Dear Mr., Ron Weasley,

We would be most honored if you would join as an Auror at the Ministry of Magic,

_Simply say your answer to this paper and instructions will be given,_

_Good day and best of luck,_

_Kingsley Shacklebolt."_

"Yes," Ron said allowed

"SPELNDID!" the words popped up on the paper "Please join us tomorrow at the Ministry at 7:30 am for training, and bring along paper and quills and clothes you don't mind ruining. Be prepared for several hours of orientation and training, get a good nights rest and we'll see you tomorrow."

The paper when burst in a show of green lights and was gone; Ron smiled to himself and walked toward the bedroom.

_Training _

Harry was furious. He gave another flick of his wand and ran along side Ron as they went through the obstacle course throwing charms and anti curses everywhere. Ron felt incredibly relaxed as this was just a simulation, although very life like. A bell echoed in the air which signaled lunch.

"Good job Ron," Harry smiled patting him on the back "I think that you're meant for this." As they approached for lunch Harry continued furiously about how Hermione didn't belong at St. Mungo's, Ron looked up at Harry from his sandwich and said softly

"What would you know of it Harry?" Ron asked, and the words seemed to have stopped Harry mid-sentence "Have you lived with her these past 3 months? Have you heard cry constantly? Or the fact that she spends a good 18 hours in bed past out on medication or from being incredibly depressed?" Ron ended gently; Harry stood looking down at him, the tip of his wand twisting between his thumb and forefinger as he thought

"You,- you're right Ron, you are absolutely right," Harry realized sitting down

"Don't tell anyone, I am visiting her after this so I need to get her permission." Ron chewed and Harry nodded

"How long had she been in there?" Harry asked

"About 2 weeks." Ron told, Harry turned to him surprised

"You haven't visited her in one week!" Harry asked shocked, Ron shook his head looking at him

"Dr. Hath asked to stay away for about a week,"

"How much longer has she got?" Harry asked

"2 more weeks,"

"A whole month at St. Mungo's," Harry realized looking straight ahead "I don't think I could live without Ginny for 3 weeks," he breathed

"Well, then you and Ginny can get elated about having a baby, going through 18 hours of labor only to find out that it's died and then you can watch Ginny waste away in her own self inflicted hell for 3 months in front of you and then try to end it ALL!" Ron screamed throwing his lunch down, several people looked to see what was going, but Harry didn't look embarrassed or look around to assure people that everything was alright; it came to Harry swiftly and clearly that what Ron and Hermione were going through he and Ginny would probably never know that kind of desolation, so Harry sat down beside his friend putting an arm around him and together they enjoyed the silence.

_Something like a garden _

Sitting in her chair Hermione's arms were crossed as she watched the other patients walk around the room. They were all there for depression as well and many were there for observation while and some were there for extended periods of time.

She caught Alfred Savington staring at her from across the room and she turned her gaze elsewhere. Alfred was another patient who, if he weren't so obnoxious would be quite lovely. He was very, very good looking and he knew it. He was about 6'2 and incredibly well built, dark brown and eyes and apparently very bi-polar.

He went off of his medication again and tried to commit suicide; he was very wealthy and came from a pureblood family. The second day she was there Alfred proposed that they "Go and fuck in the storage closet." He had grinned; Hermione looked at him and told him that she was happily married thank you and with an intense smile he held up his hand revealing a gold wedding band and replied "So am I." Hermione was flattered that Alfred would find her attractive because it wasn't out of desperation because there were several good looking women on their ward, both nurses and patients.

She wore a white shirt and pajama bottoms, they didn't let you shave here and nothing sharp was allowed in, including any kind of plastic, if it had a fine point- it wasn't allowed in. Alfred didn't approach her but he did keep an eye on her, she rolled her eyes and glanced at the clock, Ron was supposed to have been there 15 minutes ago, in his letters he talked of how he had been busy with training and Hermione was quite proud of him. Being an Auror was no easy task and Ron seemed to be tackling it head on.

For a moment Hermione wondered if perhaps Ron was doing so well, was because he didn't have to constantly worry about her…now she was safe and sound being watched by hospital personnel, the notion crossed her and she sat up a bit as she thought about it; Had she held him back? It was strange their sense of switched roles, Ron was suppose to be the "weak" one and Hermione was the "strong ones", when they were in the forest searching for Horacruxs' Ron was the one who had given up, Ron left and Hermione stayed behind, and now here was sitting in a mental asylum because she'd…she'd...Hermione couldn't bring herself to admit it and he inhaled sharply to hold back her tears. She caught sight of Ron who smiled at her from behind the gate, he waved. She did nothing as he approached her; she remained seated only until when he was 3 feet from her did she stand. They looked at each other for several moments before they hugged, but neither of them attempted to kiss the other. She took his hand and glanced over her shoulder at Alfred who was looking at her with an expression that communicated pure interest, she and Ron strolled off down the corridor to the outside area where they sat down in an area that felt like a garden, it was shady and peonies, lupines, red hot pokers and stalk were all around them creating a bouquet of smells that lingered everywhere, and it seemed as if they were simply sitting out in a park somewhere, and not where they really were. Gripping her hand tightly Ron spoke of all the different things that had been going on at work, what he had been learning, and assured her that no one but Harry and her parents knew where she was.

"Why shouldn't anyone know? I'm not ashamed!" Ron barked looking around

"Yes, well, I wasn't sure how you would feel, so I didn't tell anyone." Ron spoke softly patting her hand

"Yes, well," she spoke looking down "That was very thoughtful of you Ron, thank you." She said, they chatted for an hour everything except them, their marriage, and their ordeal, but then Hermione blurted out "I barely went through withdrawals." And when she spoke this she quickly looked away

"That's good, so the Seconal has left your system?" He asked

"Nearly, a few more days." She told looking down at the forest green grass, a voice called out that visiting hours were over and Ron looked at her.

"I'll walk you out," she said silently gazing away and as they stood at the door, they awkwardly hugged and he left.

"It seems to me, that you and your husband are more best friends then…husband and wife." Alfred said following Hermione to the dinner line "Is there love there? Or just compromise?" He asked, not turning Hermione had suspicion in her tone

"What are you getting at?"

"Is this a marriage of convenience? Is he actually a poof?" Alfred smiled and with that Hermione swung around her eyes blazing

"He sure doesn't fuck me like a Poof!" she spat and a few of the guards looked at her but Alfred held up his hands letting them know that everything was alright. Hermione had made it clear; insulting her husband was not to be tolerated. Alfred sat with hr at dinner as usual and Hermione noticed the stares of other women all gazing at her, some jealous, some amused. They could have Alfred if they wanted; she'd no use for him. And the worst part was that he was the only friend she had in the entire place. They were also being released at the same time and Alfred had made many requests that his wife, her and her husband should all get together some time. The idea made her smile and how uncomfortable Ron would be.

"Tell me," Hermione said putting her spoon down and cocking her head, she had Alfred's full attention "Does your wife know that you cheat on her? That's you're a bit of a scoundrel?" But the question made his face fall a bit

"Actually," he began "I've never cheated, she does. That's when I had my little accident." He told holding up his bandaged wrists, Hermione looked confused

"I THOUGHT you said that you happily married?" she asked, Alfred shrugged "I was, she wasn't. She sent me a letter yesterday. She ran off with my best friend, who happens to be my brother. Apparently our divorce will be final in a matter if weeks." He said taking a drink of his water, Hermione suddenly felt sad

"That's…atrocious of her."  
"It's funny," Alfred nodded "Everything was wonderful. We were sweethearts in school, got married at 18 and I thought we were in heaven, I thought we were on cloud 9. Apparently, she held it all back from me; she wanted to move onto to bigger and better things, and my illness, my depression was holding her back, but she never let me know, she seemed so supportive and then POOF out of nowhere, a few weeks ago she let me know that she's been unfaithful and couldn't tell me about it and such. It nearly killed me," he told and looking down at his wrists he spoke "_**I**_ nearly killed me." Hermione watched his and horror went through her chest like lightening, it burned her internally as a concept came to her clearly, like crystal, and it made sense like nothing else had in months.


	6. A Change

CHAPTER 5

Note: I strongly advise that you listen to Sam Cooke "A change is gonna come", you can find it on or you can download it from iTunes. IT'S AMAZING. And it really sets the mood.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song "A change is gonna come" by Sam Cooke, who is amazing and very much missed.

Chapter 6- _**A Change **_

Hermione breathed in sharply once more. The realization washed over her like a cool wave. Was she holding Ron back? It wasn't until she was held up in some Asylum that Ron truly started to flourish and advance in his career, he did seem much happier….she hadn't noticed but Alfred had continued speaking about his own career aspirations and that most people thought he was vacationing in Switzerland, as his family couldn't bear the fact that he was in "A crazy house", they'd even paid of the Daily Prophet to keep their mouths shut. That was the last that Hermione had caught of the conversation and had moved into her own personal day dream, she saw Ron, happily swinging a child around and around laughing and she saw a woman who she didn't know playing a long. That woman was not her; and with the day dream she felt herself want to cry. That cry, the one that signified loss. She'd known it so well over these months that sometimes she felt a bit empty without it. The idea of losing Ron was probably the most unbearable thing she'd felt in a while, it was like a sharp blade penetrating the skin, searing deep down. She finished her dinner and retired to her room and thought for the next few hours, about life without Ron. She imagined her returning home and them arguing and him quitting at the Ministry because of the stress and worry at home, and then imagined her leaving and that Ron became a renowned Auror that signed autographs and saved peoples lives. Ron was happy in her second fantasy and that made Hermione feel equally as happy. What was she going to do? She closed her eyes but sleep did not come easy in this place, and she knew that it never would. But she only had two weeks left and then she was done.

Ron opened the letter that Hermione had sent him, apparently things were going smoothly and everyone from her parents to Luna had come to visit, even Harry, by himself. She was trying to make the best of the situation, as was Ron. Every morning he stepped into training or to get lunch he heard whispered of _Isn't that Ron Weasley? Isn't his wife in the mad house? _Or his personal favorite rumor _That's Ron Weasley, Potter's friend. Apparently his wife went looney and tried to chop his head off and he had to put into the looney bin to avoid Azkaban, crazy then a shit house rat she is. _

They all bothered Ron immensely but people and their rumors could take them up with Hermione when she returned in a week's time. Ron was partially excited and partially concerned. Excited because he knew that he and Hermione would be on their way to recovery and that she was finally getting the help she needed; concerned because he knew that she would face much criticism at work. He put the letter into his robes and went back to training, but he never stopped thinking about her…not for a moment.

_Alfred, Max and Clara _

Although at first she didn't like to admit it, there was a connection between her and Al. There seemed to be some divine understanding between them and she found him incredibly open minded for a pureblood, and it forced Hermione to admit to herself that in this scenario- she was the one with the prejudice. They sat at the table outside, playing a board game; Alfred was wearing a short sleeved shirt and was looking down at the board planning his next move, his bandages and scars apparent. He even had bruising on his wrists, in fact the cuts and stitches went all the way up his forearms where he'd followed the veins.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" she asked and he seemed unmoved by the question, he said nothing for a moment and seemed to consumed by the board

"I didn't _try_ anything. I wasn't alive when my father found me." He told and Hermione realized it was her turn to move on the board

"I see." She spoke "Did you do it naked in the bathtub like in all the movies? You know, the cliché?" she asked

"Quite the contrary," he breathed and looked at her

"You don't mind me asking this do you?" she put forth and he shrugged indifferently

"Don't really care,"

"Why? Most people would get edgy or something, I hope you don't expect me to answer about anything regarding my stay here," her voice was heavy and concreted

"I'll divulge any information about me, as long as it keeps you in my presence." He told and looked at her, but his expression did not contain a playful smile, she said nothing and he continued "I put on my best suit, rolled up the sleeves, took a knife and starting at the center of my palm cut as deep as I could up to where my elbow ends. Before that I'd stabbed myself twice in the gut and was already suffering from shock. Granted, I could have easily bewitched my wand to do it, but manual seems the best way to kill your self." He told lifting up his shirt to reveal two massive wounds that were stitched and still swollen and bruised."

"Magic." She said, and he gave her a weird look "Magic would have done the trick faster. Avada Kadvara and you'd be dead instantly. Why chose a muggle suicide death? I am sure that many other wizarding purebloods would have looked down on your choice…" She told

"The instance of it is the problem. To quick, I wanted to suffer; I wanted to feel every last drop and breath leave me. And fuck those purebloods. Again, manual is the way to go."

Hermione crinkled her nose and furrowed her eyebrow "Why? Why would you inflict that upon yourself?"

"Torture, punishment; for not being a better man, son and husband, my father is the only one who isn't angry at me. When he found me I'd been dead for about 35 minutes. He said I was blue and looked like a giant bruise. He still has his blood covered robes and says that he'll never wash them. "Never again" he repeated over and over, they were the reminder of the son he'd nearly lost. My mother still won't speak to me, and according to my father my brother and ex were 'unmoved' by my act. But it wasn't for them, it was all for me." He breathed and closed his eyes "And you know what the sad part is Hermione?" he told, but she sat quietly listening "It was the first damned thing I'd done for myself in my entire life." He said and she felt a little tear move into her eye but it did not fall out. It remained seated in her eye and made no attempts to do otherwise; they played and chatted longer when Hermione blurted it out. Alfred looked a bit shocked and gazed at her with wide eyes; she had to say it again, just to believe it.

"My child was stillbirth, and it hurts everyday." She said aloud, amazed. Alfred looked around still wide eyed and shocked. In 3 weeks Hermione had said ZILCH about her personal life and there it was, the most personal thing in her heart

"Jesus…that's…horrible." He voiced, very sad. Although he'd never lost a child- a baby, the hurt in her voice and the idea of the hurt she had felt, pained Alfred greatly.

"I took an entire bottle of Seconal," she breathed seeing flashes of her self crying on the bed, while Ron, at his wits end threw the bottle at her in his despair and vexation. Alfred exhaled loud and he gave her the same respect she had given him and quietly sat listening "but it didn't help, nothing did. My- our son was born in January, right on time. When the snow was falling like it had a mission to fulfill, 18 hours of labor and Ron was, magnificent at my side, and then when he came out, cries didn't fill the air, nothing did. Our son was dead, born without life. That is such a strange concept." She told looking down, a great divide of silence separated them, it was dense and defeating but like a sword, Alfred found the courage to cut through it.

"You know," Alfred spoke but then stopped, she encouraged him with a nod of the head "A boy, in my house, was Jewish, he was also a Gryffindor, and a friend of the family, much older then myself, his wife years ago had a stillborn child. I believe it was also a boy, but he said that when that happens it was because the Hall of Souls was empty…I don't know what your philosophy on religion is, but I found it quite a poetic way to view such a tragic loss." He looked away "the hall was simply empty." He repeated

"What, happened to them?" she asked leaning forward and he returned a puzzled look "Him and his wife," she clarified

"Max and Clara? I believe they went on to have two children. They were sad for a while but managed to patch things up. Though they're not together anymore, Max was always a sketchy guy." He told raising an eyebrow in a disapproving tone toward Max, Hermione sat stunned

"Was his last name Hath?" she asked leaning forward, he gave her a surprised look

"Yeah, actually, did you know him?"

"No, just heard the name around. What ever became of his wife?" she was very interested now

"I suppose she still lives around here. She was always incredibly nice, but reserved. Always stuck her neck out for people and got in trouble for it a lot, hated bullies. It was a fairy tale almost, they met, fell in love, she traveled and entire continent to be with him, tragedy and then bliss, and then he was gone. It's funny though," he laughed to himself "I believe that back in America, at Clara's wizarding school she was sorted into a house that would be the equivalent of Slytherin and here was Max, a Gryffindor who was a bastard. They say their roles were switched, but I quite liked the contrast, showed you can't be too sure of labels." He smiled, and the smile was so sincere and wonderful it forced Hermione's lips open into a smile as well. Hermione's attention was drawn to a patient in a gray shirt; he was shaking heavily and was looking around nervously, he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it, but he was constantly looking over his shoulder as if ready for an attack. Alfred seemed to catch her gaze and smiled

"That's Dementor's Kiss Jon." He told pointing his thumb over his shoulder, and Hermione's face fell into a puzzled look

"What?"

"It hasn't been recorded in over 600 years until this kid, but every once in a great while a wizard or muggle is born, and it doesn't matter of their blood status, Dementor's are literally drawn to them. He can't go anywhere without Dementor's homing in on him."

"That's horrible! Hasn't he tried his Patronus or a Fidelius spell?"

"Uh, yeah. You see Jon over there should actually be starting his 7th year at Hogwarts in September, but he had to leave. Caused too much of a threat to students and staff, nearly 1000 Dementor's were hovering about the school looking for him, they had all the staff and even people from the Ministry trying to fight then off, 200 Patronus's jumping around. So now he stays here where he's convinced he's safe since St. Mungo's has the most powerful anti- Dementor's charms around seeing as how Dementor's would be draw to patients and families despair." He told and looked back over "HEY JON!" He yelled, and Jonathan flinched dropped his cig into the grass, he looked around horrified

"How many times, have you been had The Dementor's kiss?" Alfred asked, Jon looked puzzled, and through shoulder length brown hair and glassy, piercing green eyes he responded in disdain stuttering "Sssss-sssixxxxx-" "

"SIX TIMES!" Hermione screamed but Jon tried to communicate further

"SSSSiiiiixxxxxxtttttyyyy-siiiixxxxx, times…." He stuttered, Hermione looked dumbfound

"You should be dead!" She exclaimed "The kiss is when they suck out your soul…you should be dead!"

"Lucky me!" He spat and stormed off, only to return for his Cigarette and left again. A bell rang for lunch and they gathered their game and headed inside. They could have left it but neither of them felt like resuming anyway; the food wasn't even remotely as bad as Hermione had thought it would be. All of the food was prepared by actual humans who were paid, to help boost the economy. They had served a very heavy lunch and Hermione felt like retiring to her room, plus her medication always made her a bit sleep. You'd think that at a wizarding hospital they would use magic, but truth be told things were done better the muggle way and it wasn't unusual for patients to be taking muggle medication, but mostly potions and charms and such. Of course one would have to get an advance 7 year degree incorporating advanced studies and knowledge of medicinal potions and herbs. Hermione hadn't planned on it but she slept straight through dinner and into the night. It wasn't until 7:30 that she heard a rapping at her door, and saw that it was Dr. Hath, she waved for her to come in but didn't bother getting out of bed, she felt as she had when she was a slave to the bed, like heavy thick sand had replaced the blood within her veins and flowed easily throughout her making her weighty and movement impossible, she could feel Hath's eyes on her.

"How are you feeling?" Hath asked, Hermione rubbed the sleep from her eyes making them clearer, Clara Hath looked like shit. She looked exhausted and pale, like she was sick, tired and hungry.

"All right, and yourself?" Hermione asked sitting up on her elbow, the question seemed to take Clara back

"Here and there," she replied looking down at her lab coat pocket pulling out a pen and clicking it

"Where are you from in America?"

"Oregon."

"Where?"

"Salem, the capitol," Hath said, a sense of fondness in her voice

"Do you miss it?" Hermione asked cocking her head and Hath looked into the distance

"Yes. But not as much, luckily for me England and Oregon, aka the Pacific North West is the exact same temperature climate, I think we might get more rain than here. But sometimes I miss it." Hath smiled taking a seat down next to Hermione

"What do you miss most?" Hermione kept on

"What is this? 1000 questions?" Hath narrowed her eyebrows, ever since the night in the hospital she'd been colder toward everyone, Hermione was out of it slightly but she heard Ron snap at Hath who cried in front of him, like it had been a while since she'd shed those kind of tears. With the thought Hermione found herself feeling foolish and she'd imagined that Hath was the type of person who never cried, but then she realized that those were the people who cried the hardest but didn't want people to know it.

"What did Ron say to you that night they first took me here?" Hermione's expression and face were blank and she was now sitting up facing Hath, she'd never noticed how dark Hath's eyes were, and they were complimented by a button nose

"He," Hath began coughing while looking away "He blamed me for your sons' death." She stated coldly and the proclamation made Hermione gasp

"That's not true."

"I know, so does he, but I still feel guilty," Hath had never seemed so dark and cold

"Did Max blame someone?" Hermione spoke boldly, but realized it wasn't her place to, she didn't know why she was so bold. Clara Hath felt a tear escape her eye but she wiped it away quickly before it barely touched the apple of her cheek

"How do you know," but Hath remembered that Alfred Savington was currently a guest on this floor. Savington was a bit of a recluse, so he must have trusted Hermione a great deal to divulge that information, Alfred didn't really ever speak to anyone on things other than business or recreation- and even then!

"No, he blamed no one. But we fought about it like dogs instead of deal with our misery and we sank deeper into melancholy and it nearly ripped us apart- that time."

"So you made up?" Hermione asked, and Hath blinked and shrugged

"For a few years, we went on to have 2 children, and we were happy for a while. A family, but Max found something better," she sighed with dejection in her voice, crossing her leg "He always did, people said it was a miracle he stayed with me as long as he did."

"Are you Jewish like Max is?" Hermione couldn't believe that the question escaped her lips, Hath shot her a strange look

"Why?"

"Well, someone told me, that when a baby is born stillborn, it's because the hall of souls was empty. I find that poetic and peaceful, and a much more happy, simple way to look at it. Doesn't point the blame," Hermione shrugged "the hall was simply empty." Hermione had imagined elements of Hogwarts Great Hall, but different

"Yes, I am. Max and whoever you got your info from is referring to Jewish Mysticism, you know, the Kabbalah. Yes, it's a much more flattering and peaceful way to look at the death of a child."

"Is that why you married him? Because you were both pureblood and Jewish?" Hermione had to know Hath's stance on the subject of pro-pureblood

"Nope. I loved Max Hath; I could have cared less if he were muggle born and a devout Roman Catholic. I loved him, and part of me always will. Just like part of me will always know him for the coward he is." The statement was warm and cool,

"I'm afraid that Ron and I are destined for nothing. That this chapter in our lives will dominate and devour us." Hermione looked down

"Just so you know, Max and I didn't separate because we had a child that died, it made us that much stronger, really. Max left years later because of MAX, the man was his best friend and worst enemy." Hath scoffed rolling her eyes

"What if I told you I've been considering leaving Ron?" Hermione admitted looking into Hath's eyes, but she did not find shock or disgust

"I think he'd die." Clara said quick and matter-of-factly, her expression as clear and blank as a canvas

"Die?" Hermione repeated shocked

"Ron needs you. He wouldn't know what to do without you. He'd believe it was his fault and you know what? He'd end up like Alfred Savington except no one would find him in time. And I must ask Hermione, if you got the message of what he'd done, would you too be 'unmoved' as Alfred's wife had been?" Hath had a tone in her voice and an expression that was one step above malice, she cocked her head in judgement as she'd spoken

"Ron would be better off without me," Hermione shivered

"Would he? Is he doing so great now?"

"He's training to become an Auror now that I am gone. He's doing marvelous." She cried

"He was going to do that anyway Hermione! He's doing it for you, all for you, to show you how good he can be! He visits you every other day because that is the maximum, no other patients has ever had a visitor that much! You need to think things over Hermione, long and hard before you do something bad, because if you walk out and Ron dies, by his wand or hand or terrible accident, then it will on you." Hath explained and walked out, Hermione shook; she admired Clara's honesty and sat with all of the words. She heard the breakfast bell and upon sitting down in the cafeteria, shoved the contents of her meal down her throat; Alfred didn't speak much during breakfast and was now reading a book on a bench as Hermione admired some of the Sweet Peas, their scent lingered around her as she heard a familiar voice, someone she knew, coming closer. She looked to her right and saw Neville Longbottom walking between a man and woman in wheel chairs being pushed by Orderly's, they seemed almost comatose and yet Neville went on and on about something, like they were listening and might give input at any moment. He looked at her, looked back to his mother and shot back to Hermione. He smiled and it faded as he glanced at her attire and noticed the green and white striped bracelet on her right hand that indicated the status of: PATIENT ON WARD 5

"Hello, Hermione." He said slowly, she looked away and crossed her hands in front of her; Alfred had barely looked up from his book

"Hello Neville, I am sure that you're wondering what I am doing here," she said quickly, and several moments passed

"Sort of, does Ron know?" Neville asked sheepishly

"He is very much aware." She said hastily looking everywhere but at Neville

"I see, these are my parents, Frank," he said the man on his right "and Alice." He smiled to the woman on his left, they both gazed into nothingness

"How do you do, I am Hermione Granger-Weasley." She said, and Neville smiled "This," she said slightly grabbing Alfred who dropped his book "Is Alfred Savington," she introduced pushing him forward a bit

"Ah yes," Neville said shaking his hand, he recognized him and thought to himself that Alfred was a little too pretty to be at St. Mungo's, the green and white bracelet the same as Hermiones'. Alfred was intensely gorgeous with dark eyes and hair, and an olive skin tone. Slightly exotic, but the accent said that he was brought up around Lewisham, he was also very tall and Neville felt slightly jealous that he may never posses such looks as Alfred. He recognized the name as pureblood, and had heard of wizarding family; they were all in different houses and didn't have an allegiance to a specific one. They spoke for a moment, but then Neville excused himself and continued on with his parents, looking back at Hermione and Alfred talking, and kept on his way. Funnily enough Alfred and Hermione both received stacks of papers from work that they caught up on frequently, though they never discussed what they did, they didn't have to. They'd sit across from eachother and quietly work, sometimes for more then 2 or 3 hours, sometimes for barely 60 minutes.

_A change is coming _

_(A change gonna come by Sam Cooke begins playing)_

Tonight was Alfred's last night, and his father was coming in only a moment's time. He stood in Hermione's room doorway, and his eyes were heavy and intense the brown clearly visible, he stood dressed in a gorgeous soft beige suit, he'd been watching Hermione dance by herself, rocking herself back and forth, he'd heard sharp violins down the hall and noticed that it was coming from Hermione's room, the sharp violins dispersed and gave way to a rich and aching voice, and the singing voice seemed to pull Alfred in the direction of it's aching voice. He found himself watching Hermione with her back to him, her hands holding each other in the center of her upper chest as she danced by herself back and forth; she turned and saw him and the sound the trilling violins echoed against the near empty room of white. Alfred walked toward her and removed his hands from his pockets and took Hermione's hands in his and without taking his eyes off of her, he led the way in the dance. He bent over slightly pressing his cheek to hers and they moved smoothly and they moved to the soft drums, and slight trumpets that kept a beat as silky as could possible, Sam Cooke's voice pleaded with the listener with a deepness that only he could accomplish.

I was born by the river  
In a little tent  
And just like the river  
I've been running ever since

It's been a long, long time coming  
But I know a change gonna come  
Oh, yes it will

It's been too hard living  
But I'm afraid to die  
I don't know what's up there beyond the sky

It's been a long, long time coming  
But I know a change gonna come  
Oh yes it will

I go the movie

Then I go downtown

Somebody keeps telling

Don't, hang around

It's been a long time,

A long time coming

But I know, a change gonna come

Oh, yes, it will

Then I go to my brother  
I say brother help me please  
But he winds up knocking me  
Back down on my knees

There's been times that I thought  
I couldn't last for long  
But now I think I'm able to, carry on  
It's been a long, long time coming  
But I know a change is gonna come  
Oh, yes it will

The song ended on Cooke's aching note and as it did, Alfred's cheek slid softly away from Hermione's and stood back from her, as she gazed up at him, still holding his hands he slowly glided them out of hers and back away leaving the room. Hermione did not speak as the record went to another song that was equally as peaceful and somber, but it went slower then usual as if it was also savoring the moment.

Jones Savington waited at the end of the hall for his son, and saw him approaching in the suit that they'd sent him a few days ago. But his boy didn't know that he had seen him and the young woman dancing to a heart wrenching tune. He wasn't terribly familiar with muggle inventions or their entertainers but he knew what a record player was and as for Sam Cooke he'd always found him poignant and glorious and the combination had always impressed him. It was a wizarding hospital, and she had a muggle invention, she must be muggle born, he thought to himself, but it was very likely that she wasn't and was following a fad as many young witches and wizards were using muggle inventions- it was some sort of rebellious thing. Although he had wanted to, he did not ask who the young woman was. He knew that with time Alfred would talk about her when he was ready, he had faith that his child would get better and recover from his depression. He glanced at Alfred through the darkness of the cab as it zoomed through the air, passing light posts that flashed over Alfred's face; he looked completely dispirited staring down at his hand, like he'd just left something important behind. Jones could still hear the song echoing in his own heart.

"Sam Cooke," he said looking a head running his hands through his sable colored hair, Alfred looked at him, he didn't understand; "That's the name of the singer,"

"And the song?" Alfred breathed through tears

"A change is gonna come." Jones stated staring ahead

"I didn't think you knew much of muggles and their entertainers," Alfred teased a tear falling

"Oh please," Jones huffed "Everyone knows who Sam Cooke is, and the record player may be muggles only tolerable invention."

His father was looking away, but as Alfred spoke Jones turned his eyes but not his face to the left

"Will you sing it to me?" at first Jones though Alfred laughing, but turning his head he saw Alfred was clearly crying, and Jones reached his arm pulling his son close. Alfred sat next to father and cried into his shoulder and Jones sang for his son with his arm around his child

_It's been too hard living  
But I'm afraid to die  
Coz I don't know what's up there, beyond the sky_

It's been a long, long time coming  
But I know a change gonna come  
Oh yes it will

Although it was only Jones and Alfred in the backseat, they feel the trumpets and the trilling strings of cellos encompass them as Jones continued singing

_There's been times that I thought  
I couldn't last for long  
But now I think I'm able to, carry on  
It's been a long, long time coming  
But I know a change is gonna come  
Oh, yes it will _

The cab drove on into the night, through the black sky that was glittering with stars, as if it were day time and someone had thrown a shall over the sky, and the bits of sunlight were gleaming through onto Lewisham.

_**A favor and a gift**_

Tying her shoe laces Hermione felt slightly more human in own clothes, Ron sat outside her door with her things, they'd already signed her discharge papers and were ready to go. She opened the door and Ron stood to face her

"Did you bring what I asked for?" She spoke and he handed her, her wand. She gazed at it as if it had been a million years since she'd seen and held it. They proceeded to the court yard and seeing as how it was mid May, everything was luscious outside. She caught sight of Dementor's Kiss Jon and approached him, his eyes wide and frightened.

"Jonathan, I want you to listen very carefully. I am going to cast a Fidelius charm and other spells that will hide you from Dementor's forever. Do you understand?" she asked, and he simply blinked "You won't have to fear them any longer and in September you can return to school, alright?" she nodded and with the wave of her wand she cast spell after spell once finished she glanced at him and left. She explained to Ron why they called him Dementor's Kiss Jon and Ron was amazed. Most people would be dead, or like Neville's parents he thought.

"So, you start work tomorrow." He told as they traveled via Floo into their home

"Good, I want to get right back into action. How is training?" she asked walking over the refrigerator, Ron leaned against the counter pouring himself some coffee, which he really shouldn't be doing, it was 3:00 and it stayed in his system for a while

"Nearly completed, straight marks." He commented and she felt proud

"Good, that's great." She said, Ron took a sip of his coffee

"You drink coffee black?" she asked looking at him, he raised his eyebrows and nodded

"It's the only thing they serve on breaks sometimes and I've gotten desperate, apparently a well balanced diet and adequate sleep isn't enough to keep you going." He smiled to himself; she nodded and walked down the hall

"Are you hungry?" he called

"Getting there," she returned as headed for their room, but the small room down the hall had caught her eye, something was different. She walked to it and pushed it open with her the hand. The baby's room had been completely destroyed. She felt shook, but then Ron's voice spoke

"I didn't want you to see this, the night you left, I walked in here," he began "and sat right in this chair." He told walking over to a pile of broken wood "I cried for lord knows how long, holding a blanket, rocking it as if it were a child. I cried for you, I cried for him…" Ron trailed off and composed himself "Then I just stood up and starting ripping things apart. Most of it was my hands and some of it with my wand." He told motioning over to the crib which was a skeleton of itself, burnt to a crisp and there was black char against the wall and on the carpet, it looked as if you were to breathe to heavily it would crumble and disintegrate. The changing table and dresser were in no better condition as Ron had unleashed his fury unto the room.

"I'm sorry you went through that alone." She whispered

"I DIDN'T!" He beamed "Malfoy showed up here completely drunk, his mother had just had another heart attack and he'd gotten into an argument with his father. He heard he destroying the place and without a word started helping, it was therapeutic really." He smiled to himself

"Glad everything worked out Ron, you have a new friend." She smiled leaving the room; Ron didn't smile and thought about it. Dinner consisted of casual talk as they exchanged information the way that one might on a first date. She helped with the dishes and walked into the bathroom. The door was fixed and back on both hinges, she closed the door and filled up the tub and soaked in the hot water. At the Asylum they had to take supervised showers and weren't allowed to have baths, she was a suicide attempt victim and could try to drown herself. It was almost detoxifying as the water seemed to draw out certain impurities that remained with mind. A final plunge under the water and she emerged clean, like a baptism or something…wearing clean night clothes she opened the door and gazed at the bed, Ron was still in the living room watching TV, she could see that he was dressed for bed and she said from the room,

"I'm going to sleep." And with it Ron shut off the TV and lights. She'd already climbed into bed when he shut out the light and she could feel the bed move as he climbed in beside her. The covers went up as he crawled under them, they were both silent. They were both unsure if they should initiate sex, but they both wanted to. The awkwardness owned them, and neither spoke. It had been nearly 5 months since they'd last had sex, only a hours before she'd gone into labor, and he'd barely even kissed, what kind of marriage was this? In the darkness, after much debate Hermione reached out and grabbed Ron's hand, he squeezed it back but they still did not exchange anything. She wanted to feel his weight over her and him inside of her, and he longed for that scent that kissed her skin. But nothing happened, neither of them made an attempt, and after several awkward moments they fell off to sleep.

_The Brightness _

It was a cool June morning and Ron had left for training nearly an hour ago. Hermione didn't need much getting ready these days, so she often slept a bit later. She usually needed about 45 minutes and she was good to go. A quick shower and then breakfast and she was usually on her way; she sat at the table reading The Daily Prophet's "Life" section and went over the various events that were taking place in and around Great Britain. She brought the last of the juice to her lips and washed her plate and cup. Brushed her teeth and put her hair into a ponytail and Disaparated outside of the Ministry. It was her 3rd week back, gossip and rumors were still ever present. She was well aware that she could easily Disaparated into her office, but she felt that cowardly and also walked in the front entrance at the Ministry, she wanted to show everyone that she wasn't intimated by their gossip and she wasn't ashamed of where she'd been. She entered and heard the usual whispers and stares and kept staring straight, she didn't feel tears coming anymore, like she did the first week, yes it was becoming very custom moreover she wondered when they might bore of her, the topic of "Crazy Granger" had to lose steam at some point, heaven knew that she was quite tired of it all. She was making her way up the stairs when something caught her eye, it was off to the left, standing tall and proud and…beautiful. She wasn't sure if she was seeing things right. About 30 feet away stood Alfred Savington. He stood slightly behind 3 men, 2 body guards and then in the middle stood the Minister of Magic, Kingsley Shacklebolt who was speaking to a few reports. Alfred was wearing decadent dark ultramarine blue robes that seemed to ignite his dark, skin, hair and eyes. His hands were folded in front of him and he was listening intently to what the Minister had to say.

"I, am very late for an appointment, but my most trusted and valued Secretary and Personal Advisory can answer your questions much more eloquently than I can at the moment." Shacklebolt told stepping aside and leaving with his guards as moved forward

"The Minister is most kind for his flattering comments," Alfred began and commenced in answering a series of question, Hermione didn't realize that she'd been standing there watching for quite some time; she'd always know how articulate Alfred was, but there was just something about not seeing him in the white or gray shirts of the institution, it became aware to her that no one had even guessed that he'd been under psychiatric care and like he said- "They all thought he'd taken a vacation." She noticed that his robes were cuffed at the wrist and when he raised his arms and hands as he spoke they didn't slide down, where they would have exposed the upsetting bruising and stitched attempts that went up to his elbows. Sometimes she'd think of them, of the deep blue, purple bruises that faded into green and then yellow as they'd healed; she thought of the thick black stitches that he'd opted for instead of magic to seal and bind the skin.

"Mr. Savington," a voice and Alfred looked their way "How was your trip to Switzerland?" They asked and Alfred paused for a moment choosing his words

"Relaxing, introspective. I did some soul searching, it was much needed. Therapeutic if you will." He told and more questions came

"Do you intend to spend your 27th birthday there?"

"That's not until early November, but I have considered it." He smiled

"Have you been dating much, since your divorce became final? You are a very sought after man, there's a rumor the The Evening Quill has nominated you for as the number one Wizard Bachelor of the Year." A voice said, the question seemed to shock him, but blushing he answered

"I don't think so. It wouldn't be wise on my part, I just need some down time, concentrate on work, that's really what I'd like to dedicate myself to now before committing to anything. And as for the nomination I am deeply flattered that they would have me in mind." He said

"Oh, I think most the women in Great Britain have you in mind," the reporter smiled, Alfred flashed a nervous smile and turned a bit red

"So no special ladies while in Switzerland? I hear the Swiss are known for their beauty,"

"Uh," Alfred said "I most stuck to my ski instructor," he told and they all looked stunned

"He was a man named Jeff," he quickly lied and their faces fell as they realized he hadn't divulged a juicy bit of info; he answered a few more questions and then excused himself; Hermione had just begun to walk up the stairs to her office when they locked eyes. His jaw fell open slightly as he kept walking, but he did not smile, nor did she; instead with their eyes locked they headed off into their directions.

"You're almost 20 minutes late!" Exclaimed Cathia Merrimentz in awe, Hermione closed the door behind her "You've never been 1 second late! Always early, early, early!" Cathia said looking bewildered. Cathia was 33 and was really the only friend Hermione had made at the Ministry that she didn't attend Hogwarts with. The office had four desks in it and Cathia's was closest to hers. Cathia could multi-task; she could talk, type and drink her coffee all while looking in a different direction. Although it took getting used to Cathia, Hermione had really enjoyed her company, she also liked that while Cathia seemed erratic and untamed she was very much in control. Cathia and her husband, Calvin Pennywise -25- had been married for 6 years and had no plans to have children- ever, perhaps. Neither Cathia nor Calvin really liked them and they thought it rubbish that since they had pureblood origins they should be "guilted into procreating." She once spat, Cathia was also one of the few people to truly accept Hermione, both for her blood status and for her loss, she never once mentioned the things Hermione had been through and really didn't see them as important. She also had Myopia and wore glasses though she took them off and lost them frequently- they were usually on her head. It was perhaps an hour into work that an assistant came into the room and spoke

"Mrs. Granger-Weasley?" a small man with thick blond hair said, Hermione looked up

"Yes?" she asked

"Jamison Addington requests your presence." He said and left, that was her boss, panic swept over her, and Cathia gave her a comforting look. As she walked to his office she knew it, she was going to be fired, she'd missed too much work and now they didn't want a lunatic working for them. She knocked on his door and heard his smooth voice muffled behind it, asking her to enter. She stood frozen as he looked at and then away

"Mrs. Granger-Weasley, as you might know, you're achievements in the

Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures are," he paused "Intimidating, you work better, faster and with more attention to detail than anyone previous to you." He told, and she could feel it coming "That is why, I am happy to let you know that you are being promoted to Chief Officer, here. That position hasn't been filled since I began President of the Department. 60 years now." He said, Hermione gave out a sigh of relief

"Thank you," he said stunned

"Don't thank me, you got yourself there. It's an incredibly demanding job but I forsee you being promoted much in your time here, I believe you're on your way to working at The Department of Magical Law Enforcement." He told "by the way you start immediately, I had them move your things into your office for you. It's just through that door beside mine." He smiled, she bolted for the door and saw a newly cleaned office with a brilliantly polished wood desk. Although she didn't realize it, she was looking around the room in a happy craze and- jumping up and down like anticipatory 5 year old in a store. She quickly got to work, but managed to say goodbye to Cathia, who remarked jokingly that she and Hermione could no longer be friends, due to the fact that Hermione was now her boss, which was something that had never occurred to her in all of the excitement. It was the first time in a long time, that Hermione had walked- no, nearly danced out of the Ministry at the end of her day. She opened the door the house and found it empty, there was a note on the hat stand, it was from Ron.

_Went out with Harry and…Draco, will be back around 11:00. _

She wondered if this was due impart to today was a big day for he and Harry. They were nearly complete with their training and it was the weekend now. She also wondered if there would be drinking for she remembered what Astoria had said about his drinking, and he was clearly smashed the night they saw him at the hospital. She heard two sets of knocking on the door and was half way to the kitchen. As she approached the door hung up her robes up on the hat stand and opened the door to find Ginny and Astoria standing before her, smiling.

"GIRLS NIGHT!" Ginny yelled walking in, Astoria following

"Oh, well, I was just about to make dinner. Apparently Ron went out with Harry and…Draco." Hermione said

"No need to cook, we brought food and boos." Ginny danced motioning to the bags in her and Astoria's arms, Astoria followed the likewise

"Astoria I didn't take you for a drinker." Hermione stated straight faced

"Oh," Astoria spoke making a face "You have no idea. But I only do so in good and trusted company. I know neither of you will rape me." She told

"Don't be so sure of that," Ginny said dryly as she set the grocery bag on the counter looking down at the contents as she removed them "I'm a total lesbian when I'm buzzed and drunk." How Hermione had missed Ginny humor,

"We bought mostly mixers, do you have anything here?" Ginny asked looking around

"I don't know, look around," Hermione said thinking- where did Ron keep his alcohol? She knew he had a stash somewhere because he didn't like admitting he drank. After several moments a high pitched amused and shock laugh filled the air. It startled Hermione and Astoria as they looked in the direction and saw Ginny holding up a clear bottle.

"What is it?" Astoria asked as she and Hermione moved in closer, and Ginny held in her hands, laughing, a giant bottle of Ever Clear with a piece of tape over it and the words written on the masking tape in Ron's writing read:

_DO NOT THROW AWAY_

Hermione laughed out loud. They looked through the cupboard and found an intense stash of Guinness, Vodka, Ever Clear and other assorted hard alcohols including a really good unopened dry Gin. But they set that aside as they knew Ron might want that for himself. Ginny poured them all shots of Vodka and held it up,

"To our men," she began "as flawed and fucked as they may be, as strange and witless as they come, god help them they love us, and we them." She said, Astoria and Hermione nodded in agreement and downed the Vodka, it burned Hermione's throat at first but was then left a lovely warm feeling, Astoria then toasted, "To family, lord knows we can't chose them, but hopefully we have the strength to endure them." She said and then they all drank, Ginny quickly poured more shots of Vodka. Hermione stood for a moment, but nothing came to mind, nothing seemed as important as if had in a long time…in 5 months.

"To my career, you're looking at the new Chief Officer of Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," Hermione stated holding her shot glass a little higher at hearing the words, Ginny and Astoria said nothing for a moment but then said in unison "FUCK YEAH HERMIONE," and "I'll drink to that happy shit." Ginny proclaimed swallowing another shot and then pouring another

"All right, enough of the hard stuff, lets be girls." Ginny announced going for the mixers

"Whatd'ya want? Blue Raspberry, Watermelon Splash, Peach Wonder, Cucumber Melon Bliss, or Lemon Climax?" Ginny read and Astoria held up her hand to speak

"I'll have the Lemon Climax, god knows I can't wait for the day when I don't have to induce them myself…as much." He told, Hermione coughed a bit laughing "I mean, even when I marry I still intend to masturbate." She said again and Ginny and Hermione looked at her "WHAT?" She yelled defensinly "I wash my hands!" she proclaimed throwing her arms out stamping a foot, Ginny collapsed laughing

"That takes so much guts!" Ginny clapped and Hermione followed, within hours they had tasted all of the flavors and each woman had her own preference. Ginny's mouth was stained with blue, Hermione herself had enjoyed the Peach Wonder and Astoria couldn't get enough of Lemon Climax. The 3 woman sat around the table and Astoria was one her second cigarette,

"I didn't know you smoked." Hermione smiled brushing the hair out of her face, Astoria breathed out a cloud of smoke

"Up until September you really didn't know me at all," Astoria grinned and Hermione followed, they sat quiet

"I smoke too sometimes, only when stressed, which is becoming more so."

"Because of work?" Hermione asked

"You're an athelete, you play Quidditch, I'd smoke too, it's physically demanding and I couldn't deal with that." Astoria told and Ginny nodded

"I really enjoy it, but some of the girls on the team are so moronic. They dumb themselves down to find boyfriends…I hate that." She told mixing herself more drink

Another silence "He asked me to marry him you know," Astoria told looking away, putting out her cigarette. Hermione and Ginny said nothing and simply looked to her, to let her know to continue "I said no." she told, Ginny and Hermione sat silent

"What did he do?" Ginny asked putting her drink down, to focus on the conversation

"We were at his house, for a dinner between families. We were walking around the property, and then he go down on the knee and asked, a gorgeous ring. It was odd," she breathed, her elbows on the table, hands on her cheeks supporting her head and her gaze was down at the table as if she was amidst a daydream "His eyes gleamed, but not in that cruel way they did in school. They were happy, and free. He was asking me because he wanted not, not because his father wanted him to. But I looked deeper into his face, his shaking hands, his tired eyes, his sallow complexion and I realized it had been hours since he'd had a drink. He was going through withdrawls and the realization came over like some horrible wave, I sank- I ACTUALLY felt my heart sink and without control I felt my mouth move and I told him no." she said, paused and continued "His face fell and he stood up and looked away, but he couldn't contain it and cried. Right in front of me. It was so awkward, he just stood there living in the moment and sobbed to himself, muttering about much he hated himself, I tried to console him but nothing worked and after some time he regained himself and then walked inside." She went on to describe how she followed him and met the wrath of Narcissa and Lucius like she'd never known. They didn't know why Draco was upset just that he was, and they damned her for it. She told of how she explained to Draco that he'd have to clean himself up

"I can't be married to a drunkard." She said "I can't be my grandfather. My grandmother was a drinker, it actually killed her when she was 34 years old. She wasn't violent toward him nor my father or his siblings but it was horrible to watch someone kill themselves." she told, pursing her lips into a sour expression

"How long ago was this?" Ginny asked

"2 days ago." Astoria sang, Hermione rolled her eyes at the craziness of it all

"Jesus," Ginny said taking another shot, her body felt heavy and the buzz was fading into drunkenness, pulling her down

"Hermione you can really hold your alcohol." Astoria mentioned, Hermione looked down at her glass and raised her eyebrow

"Yeah, I noticed that. I've only really been drunk once. It's funny, Ron really can't. A few shots of Vodka and he's gone." She laughed, they went on discussing adulthood indepth, what they expected, what they missed and even sex. Ginny and Astoria were quite open about their sex lives but Hermione lied, she couldn't admit that it had been half a year since Ron had touched her and visaversa, she knew that Ginny would mention it to Harry who would bring it up with Ron, and that Ron would never forgive her.

"It's all fine," she lied "I love sex with Ron." THAT was not a lie

"Harry, is a bit of a Titan now." Ginny anounced proudly "It took a long time of practice but he'd more confident in bed, which I love. People say your first time hurts, it was lovely, I came, I loved it." Ginny smiled and Astoria realized it was her turn

"Draco's…a virgin." She said and they both looked at her shocked

"You didn't cheat did you?" Hermione asked her hands at her lips in shock

"No…but I did have a boyrfiend for 3 years. It was good. He was a year behind me, it was during the summer of two years ago. It was ok. Like Ginny said, took practice, but I enjoyed it. It was over in 5 minutes, but it was a good 5 minutes." She smiled to herself

"Does Draco know?" Ginny asked leaning in

"Of course, once out of anger he even called me a whore!" she said the surprise still in her voice "I was surprised he hadn't, and refuses too until married. Although his parents instilled some atrocious fucking things and morals into his head, they may have gotten this right. Except for the 'Save it for some pureblooded wife.' I think his mother had something to do with that, sometimes I can't tell her or Lucius apart." She snickered, they all laughed. The night commenced in drinking before the clock had read 3:00 am, Saturday. They were all curled up on the bed, fast asleep. Ginny was the first to wake up at 4:00 pm, she walked into the living room and saw Ron sitting going over some papers, she held her head which amazing didn't ache at all

"When did you get home?" Ginny asked, and Ron didn't look surprised to see her at all

"Around noon, we slept at your place." He told, looking at the table and counter she realized that Ron didn't clean up at all, he'd left their mess to them,

"We left you you're Gin." She told opening cupboard and getting a large ceramic cup

after several moments Ron spoke "Thank you." He said going over the words on the paper once more

"What you got there?" she asked shutting off the tap and taking a glass of water

"A letter from the Ministry, I'm an official Auror, no doubt Harry is as well." He told, and then patted himself on the back

"THAT'S WONDERFUL!" Ginny erupted "That calls for a drink!" she beamed grabbing a shot glass and filling it, Ron looked at her

"Ginny, I think you've got enough to drink." He said, and shrugged gulping it down

"Yeah, Hermione's got good news too," she told, and now Ron was really listening, he looked to his left at Ginny and moved his head urging her to keep going, but she only shrugged once more and a closed mouth smile took hold of her lips before saying as she shrugged "You'll have to hear it from Hermione." She smiled looking toward the open door of the bedroom and slowly Ron's interested expression followed to the open door that only revealed the edge of the bed and the cream colored wall.

Return to Top


	7. Sober

Note: This focuses a bit more on Draco in the beginning, but don't worry, I haven't strayed away. I thought it important to incorporate everyone at some point. I also want to acknowledge the seriousness of Alcoholism, this in no way is meant to be a mockery of the disease. I speak from experience, my sister has had a problem since the age of 16 and is now nearly 24 and I have watched her sink further and further into alcoholism and she refuses help. I wish to use Draco to show people how serious this is and that it can be resolved. If you or someone you know has an alcohol problem get help immediately, here is a website and a number for local AA meetings around your area that are going on 24/7. Don't be afraid or ashamed.

Dedication: For tamara72- for showing interest in Draco getting better. And for anyone who has suffered with addiction or had to watch someone they love battle it.

_**Chapter 7- Sober**_

The floor, was as soothing as a floor could possibly be. Lying on his side Draco's eyes were closed, his mouthed twitched as consciousness came to him, his eyes now slits, they opened furthered as his vision was blurred but eventually found a state of normalcy as he could see. Could see the empty bottles around him, a glass or two, he'd done it again, done exactly what he'd said he wouldn't do, what he'd promised himself he would do: drink himself into another stupor. Was it early morning or early evening? How was he to know? He couldn't even recall consuming all the alcohol in the bottles around him. Had he done that? Were these empty bottles his work? Had he consumed all that? Yes, yes and YES. He didn't made an attempt to sit up and let his eyes go around the room. Although his door was locked, he saw a house Elf picking up the trash, he went to speak but found that his throat was clogged with something, and he choked on it and swallowed

"I'll, get that, don't worry." He said, flatly looking away, the Elf looked down and spoke

"Does Master desire a drink? Perhaps his favorite breakfast? The juice of tomato, vodka and a celery stick? Would Master like Ther to prepare that?" The small Elf asked, Draco raised his eyebrows considering it; it sounded delicious, but he heart spoke before his addiction could.

"Just the tomato juice please Ther." He spoke and the Elf was gone. He managed to roll over and found that he had to urinate- BAD. As he sat up the feeling got worse and quickly stumbled into his bathroom. Nothing was a bad as having to urinate and was as good as the relief that came when you did. Her actually let out an "ahh", and washed his hands and walked back into his room. Now standing and experiencing the full scope of his mess he felt shocked at the number of bottles, and would not permit himself to count. But it was all coming back to him; he'd locked himself in his room 3 days ago and had been drinking ever since. But…why? The answer came to him like fog being pushed away by wind, and as it cleared the image of Astoria broke into his heart and thoughts. He winced closing his eyes sharply, gritting his teeth and turning his face away, he felt his chest heave and heard himself crying. Although he was alone he turned his face away as if in front of a thousand people. He did not hold back, because he was still drunk, and you inhibitions go out the window. He remembered all things she'd said, how terrible they were, how true they were. He'd decided to ask her on his own accord, he knew he wanted Astoria, she was safe and kind, and had a supportive and biting personality, and being pureblood sealed the deal. Although he'd changed his mind greatly on muggle borns and blood purity, 18 years of being taught to hate and discourage had taken its toll and he knew that he would always be a bit biased. But now, here he stood, 21 years old and in love, he never thought it would be this way. When he was younger, he had imagined that he would be powerful and feared and married, most likely to Pansy Parkinson, though he'd changed his mind shortly after graduation. As where he'd seen the error of his ways and was a total asshole, Pansy really was vicious, truly destined for a life of hate, prejudice and cruelty. Pansy knew nothing of herself, only who she was taught to be and Draco quickly got away as fast as his legs would carry him. He yawned and looked around the room and thought of Astoria again, when he asked her to marry him, he'd been sober and oh how he'd regretted that. He wanted to show her, that it was him talking and not the alcohol, that this love for her was coming from Draco himself and not the bottle of jack sitting on his desk. But how those words of rejection pierced his soul, he'd wished he'd had some jack, it certainly would have numbed him during the whole incident and definitely would have taken the pain away afterward. The air was stale in the room and opened a window. Ther arrived and handed him the drink and he actually thanked him; Ther looked confused and left. Draco gulped down the brew and realized it was probably the most nutritious thing he'd eaten in nearly 4 days. Had he eaten? He couldn't be sure, no one could seeing as how he'd been his own company in that time, and he found that he was a terrible host…even unto himself. Astoria flashed in front of his face again and the pain was intense, like slowly moving a blade that was already in your skin. He winced again as if struck by some invisible fighter, but he knew only he was in the room. He glanced around and slowly gathered all of his bottles, big, small, dry, wet, cold, broken…he'd gathered them and left his room, throwing them into the garbage, slamming them into the garbage. He smiled to himself, he'd never ONCE taken out the garbage- but it was a start. He'd even thrown away the shot glasses as not to provoke himself, as he walked back inside he saw his parents standing together, as if to confront him. Lucius look at his wife, who took his hand, Draco's eye twitched.

"As of immediately, there will be no more alcohol in this house." Lucius said, and he puffed his chest out and stood straighter as he said it "It has been apparent to your mother and I that you have a problem, and we only regret that he were too cowardice to admit so beforehand." Lucius spoke and Narcissa nodded, she was still recovering from her last stroke, and looked much, much better then she had. Draco nodded

"I agree. If I want Astoria to marry me, then I'll have to make some adjustments." He admitted, but Narcissa gave him a look

"Draco," she said in her strongest voice possible, but it was still weak from her stroke. Lucius looked at her and placed his arm around her waist, he was supporting her weak frame "We know you love Astoria, we are fond of her-" but she was cut off by Draco

"No you're not." Draco grinned

"No," Lucius repeated shaking his head looking down "We're not." Lucius was serious but Draco found it amusing

"We know you love her Draco," Narcissa began again "and I think she was wise to turn you down. Getting married while you have a problem is foolish." She erupted but became slightly dizzy, Lucius held her tightly, supporting her "Get the help you need to get better, by all means go to Africa or St. Mungo's' Rehab Clinic! We don't care! Just get help, but when doing so, keep in mind that you are doing it for **you**, if you do it for someone else it doesn't count as much, it has less meaning, be your own man and do this for Draco Orion Malfoy." She pleaded, looking at Draco but pulling of Lucius's robes. Lucius led her to their room and did not look back at Draco, who felt horrible that he would get him so riled up; she was weak as it was and she didn't need this from Draco. He'd seen his father at his weakest, nearly loosing himself as he watched, what he believed were his wife's last moments. Life without Narcissa was not living at all, and he couldn't bear that, Draco saw it for himself. He proceeded to his room and again locked the door; it gave him a sense of control. And he didn't know where to start, he only knew that he was tired and his neck was stiff, his eyes were closing against his will.

_**Day 2**_

He splashed cold water on his face, but it made no difference. The shaking continued; violent tremors that came in waves; well he was constantly shaking horribly but then he would do so in an extreme every so often as if having a grand mal seizure, and like he said, it came in unexpected waves rushing over him. He exhaled loudly and wiped his brow, his body was enveloped in a cold sweat and he felt the need to vomit once more but managed to keep it down. He wasn't permitted to lock to his door anymore and Lucius came around every few hours to peek his head in. Draco was wearing only night bottoms as he kept soaking through his shirts. Two sleepless days and nights had overpowered him into exhaustion, he could not sleep, could not eat, could not be still. Another groan escaped his mouth and he threw his head back, this time he couldn't contain it and he vomited in the toilet. He felt light headed but much better and standing he caught his reflection in the mirror; he was pale as a crisp white linen shirt. He sat at his writing desk, and with a shaking hand scribbled down a few words, it took him a while, and they were barely readable but it would suffice. He attached it to the owl and watched it fly away, it was one of the few moments of peace he'd had in a long while. That would show Astoria, if she knew how he was suffering, then perhaps she could see how serious he was, how he was willing to feel hell, fire and ice for her. Fire because his brain burned ablaze and ice because his body had frozen. He wasn't sure how long his hands covered his face but when he heard knocking at the door, he'd assumed it was his father. But behold, Astoria was 30 feet from him, his father behind her. Was this vision accurate? Or had the pain of withdrawals perforated his sanity to the point that a mirage strode into his room and now stood before him? He looked up and opened his mouth to speak but another wave of tremors consumed his body, holding him in their embrace letting him know who was boss, Astoria and Lucius looked horrified and stepped forward, but paused as the shaking subsided.

"I cannot eat Astoria," Draco yelled looking down exhausted "Nor have I slept, my body is aching AS IT WAGES WAR on me;" he yelled again and exhaled "Now, I sit before you, for I haven't the muscle to stand...breaking, breaking, breaking right in front of your very eyes and soul, in the hopes that when this battle is finished, and I find the strength to put myself back together…perhaps you could be kind enough to help me with the pieces and guide them to their proper places." He breathed, Astoria was moved by his honesty that was somehow poetic, and Lucius quickly memorized it as to write it down and walked down the hall looking for a quill. Astoria stood awestruck,

"Is this the real Draco Malfoy? Allowing himself to feel pain…instead of spending HUGE amounts of energy denying it?" Astoria asked and sensing the scorn in her voice he looked up and narrowed his eyes and she knew the look was meant for her and only her.

_**Day 5**_

It was the first time that he'd gotten some sleep. But his dreams were plagued with nightmares, horrific dreams of people being tortured, Astoria in agony or inflicting the pain onto him. Of course upon waking he was horrified and his chest was pounding but he'd gaze around the room and see Astoria reclining in a chair, asleep. She was supposed to be in the guest house but she opted for his bed room. Although still intense and apparent, his shaking was diminishing with the passing days. Draco found him self breathing easier and able to eat in small amounts. They sat at the dining table, a bowl of broth was in front of Draco and again he put his spoon into the liquid and made another attempt to bring it to his mouth- failure, as the trembling of his grip forced the broth to splatter out of the spoon and back down into the bowl before it reached his lips. They all watched in agony as he tried again and again and finally Astoria pushed her plate away and took the spoon and brought it to his lips, he smiled a closed mouth smile and she continued until the bowl was gone. She helped Draco back to his room and found herself walking the long and lonely corridors of Malfoy Mansion; they decorated in the darkest oak and had brilliant emerald greens, always loyal to their Slytherin roots. The whole house was not green though, Narcissa had made sure that there were other colors and they were quite a variety of them. There were many photographs around the house and not many people would realize that the Malfoy's were intensely family oriented. She swallowed and gazed at a picture that was a small Draco playing, and moved down. As she entered the main sitting room she saw Lucius lying slumped in a chair, his right hand to his mouth looking out the window into the evening.

"Azkaban," he said aloud, Astoria paused and said nothing "My wife is ill, my son is drunkard…this is worse than Azkaban," he muttered motioning for her to come closer, she stood still and his cold eyes met her brown ones

"Young lady when you are asked to come by an adult you shall do so!" he spat, Lucius always creeped Astoria out, made her uncomfortable…he reminded her of a rapist, or something. She sat across from him and said nothing

"I made you uncomfortable," he stated

"Yes," she said

"Intimidated?" he smiled and then she just said it

"Lucius you're a creeper." She said face still straight, his eyes shot open. He'd been expecting something along the lines of "I fear you, because you're powerful," not "You come off as a rapist." Which made him feel uncomfortable and weird.

"What are you saying?" He asked

"You come off as, some sort of….rapist or something." She said, the exact words he'd thought

"AHHHH," He said in disgust leaving the chair "THAT IS DEPLORABLE!" He stamped

"You asked," she shrugged

"EWWWW…." He shook walking away off to anywhere that didn't contain Astoria and what would remind of something atrocious. He remembered, years ago now, Fenrir Grayback….and the mudblood Granger, how it made his stomach turn at the way he gazed at her with lust and hunger, _how I love the softness of skin, _Grayback wasn't only speaking of consuming her flesh for just physical ingestion, Grayback wanted her for himself, and him being like Bellatrix in the sense that they both enjoyed playing with their food he assumed that Granger would have been left alive for days; half eaten, half raped with no one coming to her aide. As appalling as it would have been they likely wouldn't have done anything about it. He didn't like Mudbloods but Lucius didn't believe rape was a solution or punishment for anything under any circumstances. Even Voldemort had drawn the line there, when Fenrir had suggested he take one of his female victims to the dungeon or worse- upstairs; upon hear THAT SUGGESTION Voldemort had turned around disgusted.

"What Grayback? Do you fancy that you deserve some sort of honeymoon with the child?" and she really couldn't have been more than 14 "Do you think that a change in atmosphere will make anything different?" Voldemort spat and Fenrir looked downward but kept his strong hold on the girl, who was terrified. Fenrir waited a moment to speak

"But My lord, she is of mudblood parents, THE WORST KIND! We should not allow their procreation, she is an abomination! They worst filth of all, coming from no lineage and simply a fluke that they have abilities!" Grayback alleged and went on his speech and for a moment is appeared to be working as Voldemort closed his eyes at the disgust of Mudbloods and his face twisted, and for a moment Grayback looked triumphant his voice dancing happily while the girl was now crying but then Voldemort erupted

"ENOUGH!" Voldemort stamped throwing his arms; out of the corner of his eye Lucius caught Narcissa and Draco moving behind a sofa; "Do not use my hate for all those of non pure blood lineage as a weakness!" Voldemort hissed

"But-"Grayback began

"Your perverseness acts as a pollutant upon this house and those who occupy it. Atrocity marks your birth and life Grayback!" Voldemort yelled pointing his wand and at that Grayback looked down at the crying girl and began to make a run for it, but a green flash of light whizzed through the air hitting the small girl and immediately Fenrir looked and met eyes with Voldemort

"Aim getting off old man?" Grayback mocked

"Hardly," Voldemort told through a twisted expression, realizing that Voldemort had hit his target exactly at he looked down at the small limp girl in his arms, her face still expressive of crying.

"YOU TOOK MY FUN AWAY!" Grayback yelled pulling the child near walking away with her to the dungeon, dead or alive…Grayback would have his way.

"Oh, and Fenrir," Voldemort said in a low tone "If you ever try to run again…I Crucio you until you've not no hair, and then leave you to Dementor's and Inferi." Grayback seemed to consider this and went quickly to the Dungeon…while his food was still warm.

The memory went through Lucius like lava, it burned his insides and to his knowledge the remains of the child were still somewhere in the dark Dungeon probably some flesh but mostly bones by now, alone rotting. He wondered about her parents, who assumed that Grayback had killed and probably ate in front of the girl.

_**Day 15**_

Draco yawned and opened his eyes; it was the first time in lord knew how long that he'd awoken without nausea and headache. No need to consume vast amounts of alcohol, the windows were opened and he'd presupposed that Astoria must have opened them letting some fresh air in, he walked a few feet and gazed at himself in the mirror. He was still terribly thin and looked slightly emaciated- ok so he was horrendously thin. The past 2 weeks had consisted of little or no eating, and what went down came up quickly usually. But now he had a hankering, for food- real food. Not small portions and certainly not broth. The idea of more broth in his system simply made him sick again but it was early morning and still in his silken pajamas he walked downstairs to the dining room and saw his father casually reading a newspaper and his mouth eating, they appeared to be having some sort of conversation but then their eyes went to Draco, who was looking at the empty seat where Astoria usually occupied

"Where's Astoria?" he asked, Lucius and Narcissa looked at each other

"She left." Narcissa simply told

"Could you elaborate more?" Draco asked sitting down

"She went home; she wanted to visit her family for a while. She's been here for 2 weeks Draco while you took a usually long time to get better." Narcissa said coldly looking down at her tea

"Detox, dear, I believe the word is detox." Lucius spoke smiling, Draco rolled his eyes and ordered a breakfast fit for a king, but felt heavy afterwards as he wasn't used to consuming so much. But it made him happy knowing that eating the way he intended to would add a few extra pounds. There wasn't much to do around the house and the spent the next few hours looking through books and magazines, when he saw Astoria's book bag and opening it he took out a few books, and reading a strange one he realized that it was her journal, which he quickly shut. Anything Astoria wrote in there he didn't want to know, if she wanted him to know, than she would tell him, he'd give her the privacy she deserved." He grabbed one of the Potions Magazines that interested him so much lately. He was nearly finished with the 3rd magazine when he heard the door creek, but did not look up until several moments later, and saw that there stood Astoria below him, smiling. He set the magazine aside and stood on his own two feet, strong, able, clean, and she'd never seen this man before her who looked happy and sober. He walked toward her and with a smile, returned her embrace.

**This Overcoat of Shame**

Although the calendar read "September" summer had somehow found its way into this month, flooding over everything in greediness, it refused to let the leaves turn green, let the world become cool. Sitting at her desk she glanced at the clock, it was 1 am, it was her birthday. She was 22 years old. She thought about this time last year, she was pregnant and uncomfortable and sweating to death in her itchy robes. She put her quill aside and crossed her arms on the desk leaning into them. She stared thinking about how it was the first time in 9 months that she could think about it, without falling into frenzy with hysterics. She didn't feel like she deserved a party at all, she'd spent Ron's drugged up on Seconal, which when she thought about it gave her a happy warm fuzzy feeling that disgusted her. She thought of that evening in April even he said "You slept through my birthday! You missed my birthday!" but he'd made no mention of their one year anniversary, she was startled when she heard the door open and Agatha and Jiminy the cleaning people came in.

"Oi, it's 1 AM, what are you doing here Ms. Hermione?" Agatha asked, she shrugged

"I was uh, just getting some work done." LIE, these investigative papers didn't need to be looked over and sent in for another 3 weeks. She was just looking for reasons to not go home, she said goodbye and grabbed her coat and left through the Floo network and didn't arrive in her and Ron's living room as usual. She was surrounded by darkness but could sense that it was an open space, she stayed very quiet. All those years hiding from Death eaters and Snatchers had left more then a scar on her heart. _Lumos _she whispered and stuck her wand out toward the blackness and was startled when a tall figured was standing before her, hand in front of their eyes, wincing from the brightness.

"I have a wand! Stay back!" Her voice was more scared than threatening

"You're in my home." Said a deep and mellifluous voice, she recognized it

"Alfred?" She asked lowering her wand

"Hermione?" He said astonished and a few lights came on in the room, it was a living room at all, it was an enormous bedroom. Alfred was standing facing her, wearing a blue robe that was tied at the waist, his face very scruffy as if he hadn't shaved in days, it was attractive on him, and his hair was disheveled; he had his hands in his pockets.

"What brings you to Savington Manner?" He asked sitting down in a chair, Hermione followed. She found herself incredibly comfortable; it was the first time that they had been alone, really alone. Even at St. Mungo's, floor TEN, the Psychiatric Ward, for people who weren't there for spell induced permanent or long-lasting spell damage like the Janus Thickey Ward were Neville's parents were, they had never truly been alone, with other patients and staff watching. She glanced at her watch and realized that it was 1:22 and she realized that in 38 minutes she'd be 22 years old. Alfred caught her checking her watch and smiled, but it was closed mouth

"Got somewhere to be?" he asked, not really

"No, uh," she said and then laughed "It's my birthday, in 37 minutes." She smile shrugging

"Well," he shook his head "That calls for a celebration." He said ringing for a house Elf, Hermione didn't object but she did intercede

"Nothing to fancy," she waved her hands and Alfred nodded in agreeance

"Of course not." He agreed and asked the Elf for some cake and champane, she thanked him. He looked at her and the adjusted himself in the chair looking down asked "So what was it that you wanted from me?" he asked, she looked surprised, her eye brows sky high

"Hmm?"

"Well," he said looking around the room "You are in my bedroom- well guest room. I've been staying with my parents, they said I come stay with them or they were coming home with me." He smiled, but it was a sad one

"For observation." She stated

"Yes," Alfred nodded "No more accidents." He said, she hesitated but she had to know

"Have you heard anything from your brother and your ex?" she asked, he paused

"I believe my father received a message from them the other day," he told narrowing his eyebrows, but not in anger, more like contemplation, he pucked his lips. They exchanged casual talk for a while when the Elf showed up with slices of cake and champaign.

"Two minutes." Alfred smiled and they passed so quickly as even the Elf stayed to sing to her, she thanked the Elf who seemed bashful and left. They toasted to 22 years of life, and shared adventures. It occurred to Hermione that when she was a 1st year at Hogwarts he was a 6th year, they attended school for 2 years without ever knowing the other.

"Doesn't surprise me," he said and continued "What kind of weird 16 year old goes out of his way to hang out with 11 year olds?" He asked raising his eye brows, she smiled and agreed. They continued into the long hours of the morning when finishing the glass of wine he simply looked at her and said

"Hermione, you never answered my quesiton." He said

"What?"

"I do love your company, but, why are you here? In my bedroom, at 6 in the morning?" the question threw her off, she took a moment to think. She didn't ask to be here, she simply thought about "HOME" as she stepped into the Floo network but found herself in Alfred's bedroom. And it wasn't even his "room"! He was just occupying it, so technically whereever he'd been she would have traveled and been in his presence.

"I don't know, but now I think I should go." He nodded staring at her and she felt herself falling into his dark eyes

"Yes, that would be wife-wise." He shook his head quickly correcting, she nodded, grabbed her papers and left. She heard the shower and set her things down, she wondered if Ron had noticed she was gone all night, if he was angry or if he simply thought that she'd left early to get ahead on some sort. She set her purse, wand and paper down on the end paper and walked into the bedroom. She was only tired because she'd been drinking, she walked over the sink and washed her mouth out, get the alcohol smell out it. She shut of the tap and rinsed her mouth.

"Moms invited us to dinner tonight." A voice said, she turned and saw Ron in a towel, his hair looking incredibly red from the wetness and he gained _signifcant_ muscle in his shoulders, check and arms, his abdomen was more defined as well. She nodded

"I don't deserve a birthday." She told and he didn't look at her "I missed yours, and it just wasn't fair." She stated looking down, again he didn't look at her as he went through the fridge

"Why not I went without you," he said coldly

"Really? You left me alone?" she asked wiping a tear

"Yep." He said grabbing the milk and opening the cupboard grabbing a cup and pouring himself milk, although he had no intentions to speak, by the time Ron had turned around she was gone and assumed she'd gone to take a shower. He got dressed and left for work, he had a debriefing. Harry was all smiles as he met him at entrance,

"So what time are we all heading to mums house tonight?" He asked, ever since he became engaged to Ginny he referred to Molly as "MUM".

"Uh, I think 8." Ron said, ofcourse he had plans to work incredibly late tonight to show that bitch what it felt like to be forgotten, but he couldn't tell Harry that, Harry wouldn't let it go if he knew, so Ron casually went about his day and at the end of it he waved goodbye to Harry pretending that he'd only be seeing him and hour or so. But she did not return home, nor did he.

**The Wish**

Hermione sat at the dinner table and watched everyone eating and enjoying themselves, having conversation casually.

"Harry?" She asked, and both he and Ginny looked her way

"Yes?" he asked wiping his mouth

"Where's Ron?" she inquired, most people were finishing their dinners and she knew cake was soon

"He uh, he said he'd be here," Harry commented drinking his wine, Hermione nodded but it wasn't much longer until the lights fell low and she saw Mrs. Weasley coming out of the kitchen with the cake, they all sang Happy Birthday and she stared down at the glowing candles and knew her wish would come true. The room went into darkness and Alfred Savington's face flashed across her eyes, he looked angry, his face downward so that the ends of his eyebrows were pointed, it made her feel all lusty. The lights came on the cake was divided, they all ate happily and contented. Ron never showed, she thanked them and returned home with her gifts, she expected to find Ron there, asleep or waited to yell at her to ask her how she felt. She glanced around at the foreign room and felt something pulling her; she Disaparated and she didn't even know it. This time Alfred's room wasn't dark at all and sat down, facing the fireplace which burned. Alfred looked back uninterested but lost the expression the feeling quickly as he realized it was Hermione. He jumped up and faced her, she walked toward him quickly and put her hands on his face, he gazed down into her eyes

_"I wished for you," he admitted boldly_

_"So did I." She said gritting her teeth and she kissed him hard on the lips. Alfred grabbed her up into his arms and she wrapped her legs around waist, blindly he walked over to the bed and threw her onto it. Immediately she was undressing and sat before him only in her bra and jeans. He'd ripped off his shirt revealing a toned upper body; she wanted to rip his pajama bottoms so that he could never use them again. Her fingertips glided just below his navel; she pulled down realizing that only a few more tugs. She pulled them down all the way now and ran her hands over his ass- which was perfect. He wasn't erect which was intimidating because he was about 7 inches long and 3 inches thick. She backed off a bit, which would not fit in her mouth, she leaned back and unhooked her bra and slid off her pants and underwear. Alfred climbed onto the bed looking at her, he kissed her and nothing needed to be said at the moment, she parted her legs and he made the first attempt to penetrate her. She wasn't sure if it was because he was so big or because it had been nearly a year since sex, even after having a baby you'd assume he'd fit. He leaned back and looked at her_

_"Um," he started but she tackled him because he could finish and she forced him to his back. She climbed on top and took in as much as she could, about 5 inches, but she was already wet and she rode him. His hands went over her waist and breasts, but he wanted some control here and she gladly lay beneath him, he was strong and steady and she felt a tingling feeling, she was climaxing and she let out moans and thrust hard against him, to her own amazement he came as well. But he didn't roll off of her; he stayed on top, breathing with her. She hugged and kissed him, he was amazing. She didn't mean to but she climaxed again, she was surprised that to find that she was capable of multiple orgasms. The third time they'd had sex it was 4 am on Saturday and she lazily dressed and looked back smiling at a sleeping Alfred…_

Her eyes shot open. She looked to her right and saw Alfred asleep in the chair next to her, asleep. Everything was real, except the paramount sex and except for the kiss…. She collected her thoughts...yes, after dinner, when Ron didn't show, she came here and they spoke like they always did, in their chairs and drank...and fell asleep. No sex. She stood up and grabbed her robes, it looked like it was already 6 am, and she glanced at the clock 10:53 am actually. She grabbed a quill and parchment she left him a note, relief washed over that she hadn't committed adultry. When she arrived home Ron was there alright, and seething

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" he roared directly in her face, she was startled and she leaned back

"What does it matter, where were you?"

"Oh I get it," he hissed narrowing his eyes "Payback, you missed my birthday, I missed yours and then you don't come home. I bet you were out with some bloke, you WHORE." He spat and smacked her right across her face, Hermione didn't realize it was but she'd started screaming and was punching Ron about the head and neck and they were battling it out on the living room floor. He'd thrown her against the wall, but merely to get away, she was unhurt by this and simply stood panting, he gazed at her. She walked toward him and he kept his gaze directly on her until she was standing right in front of him. Ron gazed back her, daring her to do what he believed was an intended punch in the face.Without a moments notice she punched him, right in the cock. He fell to his knees in pain and she walked to the shower, washing Alfred away from her.

A few hours later they still weren't speaking to each other, and although Hermione didn't have a single mark, Ron did feel the pain in his penis greatly and knew he would for days. She slept on the couch and even at Luna's, who kept her secret. She and Ron agreed that they didn't want Harry or Ginny knowing, it wasn't their marriage and that was that. They both continued to work crazy hours and her friendship with Alfred was getting deeper, and they were worried that soon they would not be able to contain it.

It was in early October during a stroll around his house that Alfred had begged her to consider leaving Ron, they were so happy together and life with Ron was so marked with agony. Hermione was taken aback by this

"You can't ask me to leave my husband." She said angrily

"Why are you so angry? The crime would be to ask you to STAY with him. Do you believe that I am blind to your misery?" He said insulted

"No," she sighed looking away

"I am no better than my ex-wife now!" He cried looking up frustrated

"No, because WE haven't slept together and RON isn't your brother whom you thought was your best mate!" She attacked

"True," he nodded "And although we've never had a formal meeting, I do see him- EVERYWHERE. Have you not kept in mind that the Minister's OFFICE and employees are very close WITH THE AURORS!" He said leaning in

"OH ALFRED, YOU AND YOUR EXAGGERATIONS!" She yelled throwing her arms about "There MUST be at _least_ two to three HUNDRED Aurors working at the Ministry."

"Yes, actually four hundred and ninety-one," he corrected

"There," she waved her hand "In an office of nearly five hundred you can't possibly come into contact with RON that much."

"And his specky little friend Harry, You forget Hermione, Shacklebolt trusts them above EVERYONE and ANYONE." He exploded and Hermione did not retort, that was true….Shacklebolt did work closely with Ron and Harry.

"You're right." She said

"You're damn straight I am," he breathed backing up slightly "I must see him 7 or 8 times a week," he told "And I look at this man and I think 'You've no idea, you poor bastard, do you? That she and I want one another? You probably can't even conceive us having met, can you? How over these months we've fallen into bliss with each other and the barrier that keeps her from committing adultery is becoming more worn and cannot hold much longer.' and if you left him and we were get together, I know exactly how he would feel and I don't think I have the heart nor the cruelty to inflict that pain upon another human when I swam myself in those waters for nearly a year." He croaked wiping his nose, Hermione opened her eyes wide insulted

"Are you accusing me of possessing such a trait?" She spoke walking close, Savington Manner cold and grey in the distance

"No, but if you are as unhappy as you claim to be, then I beg of you Hermione," he said and now he was genuinely pleading "Leave him, do what your _heart_ wants and not your _head_, how you mistake the two so often. Did you marry Ron because it made sense or because you love him?" He asked, and she was going over every word, especially since he said "Love" and not "Loved".

"I, I don't know what to do. I don't think you understand-"she said but he interjected

"Do you think that I do not see this? It pains me to carry this on. I care for you, and I am asking you to make this right, and leave him. HOMEWRECKER is not what I chose to be remembered nor labeled as." Alfred stamped looking into her eyes and walked away, leaves crunched under her feet in a symphony as she followed behind him several steps. She considered this deeply. A few people at work had been talking for sometime now, though she had no idea how they knew. When she was in Alfred's presence they pretended not to know each other, tried not to stare to long; but someone had known and would personally see to it that everything came crashing down while they spectated. Who could be that sick and cruel?

_**The flower of Malice**_

Pansy Parkinson stood in the doorway, her arms crossed. She stared in contempt at Weasley and the empty desk she assumed belong to Potter. She did find great satisfaction in what she was about to do. Her father worked here at the Ministry, with Alfred Savington, and confided in her (reasonably foolishly) that he'd seen and heard Granger at the house, even saw them stealing a kiss, she exhaled loudly at her delight and it made Ron look up, which she didn't intend on.

"Get out of my office you piece of shit." He said bored rigid looking back down at his work; her face twisted a bit in shock, she didn't like being addressed like that at all and was just so shocked Weasley would use such a term

"But Weasley, I come bearing news." She told her arms uncrossed. Ron looked at her and saw that she'd grown her hair out significantly and was much fatter than she had been in school.

"That you really, **_really_** need to put down the candies and take up exercise?" he shot, and again she was surprised and uncomfortable, she was sensitive about her weight "Honestly, instead of giving me new you need to run your ass around the block a few times." he finished, that was god damn it she was going on another diet, after she got some ice cream to sooth herself

"No, I was going to tell you that you might want to keep a better eye on that mudblood wife of yours and Alfred Savington. I take it you know who he is." She smiled and searched his face and shrugged "Or you don't."

"What are you getting at?" he narrowed his brow

"Truly, it's sad that everyone would know before the husband being cheated on…even his best friend would keep from telling him." She said, smiled wide and then walked away. Ron felt his blood boil, it was about 10 minutes later that Harry walked in, felt something weird in the room

"CLOSE THAT DOOR BEHIND YOU." Ron said, not loudly, but intensely and Harry did so

"What's wrong?" he asked

"Do you know anything about Hermione and Alfred Savington?" He asked and Harry paused and when he didn't answer Ron repeated the question

"It's just rumor mill stuff." Harry tried to reassure

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ron pleaded angrily

"Because it isn't worthy of your time!" Harry said sitting down, though he was cautious as if Ron might hit him or something- it wasn't beyond him. During lunch Ron went for a walk and "accidentally" found himself near the Minister's office searching the Staff pictures and there he was. Alfred Savington, a gorgeous looking man who was exotic in features, he recognized him now, and they actually had spoken a few times. He looked like some American clothing model or such, Ron felt himself become jealous slightly that he may never acquire those kinds of looks. He walked back to his office and Harry told him that they were needed near Gringots. He didn't get home until 11:20 that night, and he sat at the table and opened a Vodka and held a shot glass. He'd nearly fallen asleep at the table when he heard Hermione's laughter, she sounded very happy, and it made him quite sad.

"You and Alfred," he said rather sober now and pointing at her, she looked horrified that he'd used Alfred's name "You can have, one more time together," he breathed and after a moment went on "you can have _one more time_ and you can end it with him or_ me_." Ron instructed, Hermione said nothing and went to their room to take a shower.


	8. Every me, every you

Note: I hope the above clarifies some things, Hermione never slept with Alfred, in her lonely state, she merely dreamt about it. **SEXUALLY **explicit content. In the original ending, published on 8-4-2008, the song used at the end was "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers. I have changed the song at 1:00 am, Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 to the song "Cherry Waves" by the Deftones. If you read the lyrics it just relates so well to what Ron feels Hermione has put him through. The song is about trust, "if like you sink down beneath, I'll swin way down...would you...would you?" It's about saving someone's life, but wondering if you could trust them to save yours.

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the songs on here and they are used without permission:**

**The Gift-**Annie Lennox; used without permission

**Cherry Waves- **The Deftones; used without permission

**Dedication**: To **wow60**, who cared so much to write me and give me tips, and cared so deeply about the characters. This is for you. Hope it's not to long, ;D

**Previously on The Lullaby you'll never know: **

In the story "The Lullaby", Hermione did go into labor naturally and in a sad event they lost their son, who was a still birth. This drove Hermione inward and she started to push Ron away, she became deeply depressed and did not even leave the house for 3 months and even slept through his birthday and their 1 year anniversary, which PISSED Ron off and he officially gave up on her because he felt like a failure of a husband and didn't know how to help her. She tried to commit suicide on Seconal, when Ron found her and he took her to St. Mungo's where Ron accused Dr. Hath for a moment that it was her fault that his and Hermione's baby died. Hath suggests Hermione have a psychiatric evaluation and there she meets Alfed Savington. Her relationship with Ron and her friends had been so strained the last year, which she connects with Alfred because they both have experienced loss and although a pureblood seems to completely disregard the rules of "Blood Status". Hermione then visits Alfred twice, the second time on her birthday after a fight with Ron, where she dreams that they have very amazing sex, as it's been nearly 11 months for Hermione. She wakes up and realizes that nothings happened and she returns home. We all know how Ron is and his insecurity gets the best of him and he accuses her of sleeping around, whom she hasn't, he then gives her and ultimatum- "PICK ONE OF US".

**Chapter 8- Every me, every you**

**Just a thought unto himself.,.**

Have you ever been absolutely exhausted? And yet you cannot sleep? Your body is weighed down by the day and all of its activities and yet your mind is racing, so many thoughts and even when you're eyes are closed they feel your open. You mind says to your body, "I know you're tired, but I'm not." Ron rubbed his eyes and looked around the office, people working filing out papers, trying to get things done before Christmas vacation. Ron and Harry both knew that they, like all the Aurors were to be on call, Harry was completely upset by the idea of spending Christmas battling some crazy hack mad wizard and Ron knew that he had nothing to come home to, so why not? Maybe a hack mad Wizard was just what needed? He paused and looked out the window, Hermione had been silent for nearly a month, pondering deeply, I guess that you'd have to when considering you are going to get divorced…there was his insecurity again. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, filed the last of his work, said his "Merry Christmas,"'s and "Happy Hanukkah,"'s and left. He had the sneaking suspicion that Hermione would be spending Christmas with her parents. He threw his things on the couch walked into the kitchen and turned on the radio and music filled the lonely house, he opened the fridge and prepared dinner, and although he really hated her right now, he put some tin foil over Hermione's plate to keep it warm…it was cold outside and he thought she might want to come home to a warm dinner, even it wasn't to share with him.

Merry Christmas Ron

Ron glanced at the clock and saw that it was 4:21 in the morning, he'd only slept and hour or two, actually…he'd slept some 9 hours. He hadn't gotten that much shut-eye in nearly 2 years. He stretched his arms over his head and rolled over from his side to his back. Startled, he was shocked because he felt hair on his left hand. He looked over and saw that Hermione lay like a rock next to him. His body felt heavy and tired and he forgot what it was like to get too much sleep, and that is why he assumed he'd gotten nearly none at all. He was debating getting up, it was almost 4:30 in the morning, and a few hours of sleep wouldn't hurt, he closed his eyes and felt himself drifting off again.

**11:25 am**

His eyes peeled open and then he shot up in bed. Hermione's side was empty and he heard the washer and dryer buzzing. He looked around the room and saw that it was a mess, he tossed the covers off of him and put his feet on the warm floor, which was nice, usually it was like the arctic. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and walked to the door, which was closed. He passed by the living, void of a tree, void of presents, void of a family. You'd think it was the middle of March, not a single decoration. He walked into the kitchen and saw Hermione leaning against the counter, holding a coffee mug to her lips, but not drinking it, her head downward staring off into space. He made a noise and her eyes went to him, he didn't say anything, he swallowed.

"You." She said looking at him, "I'm choosing you." And she looked away, and then back again

"Does ALFRED know?" he sneered folding his arms

"Yes. We came to the conclusion and he agreed, we never slept together Ron." She told

"I don't want to know WHAT you did!" He yelled opening the fridge and getting some juice

"Nothing happened, it's just that, I had pushed you so far away by that point and he was there when you weren't, he understood loss, it was like having a best friend again." She explained desperate, Ron slammed his cup down on the counter

"I SHOULD have been your best friend Hermione! I was your best friend, you shut me out! The second you realized he was dead I turned off you to! You left me in the cold! You chose not to reach out, I really tried!" He yelled wiping his eyes beginning to cry "I had no wife, no baby," he choked "I didn't have anything and I had to sit there and watch you self destruct!" He cried

"I know, we hurt each other," she said, Ron looked up, as if insulted

"Each other? You did everything to _**me**_." He told pointing his finger at her, and it felt like an arrow of truth through her heart "I want you to say it Hermione, I want you to admit it all. We could have gotten through this together, this is not who we are." He told, and Hermione searched through her soul for the words

"It was my fault I shut you out. I was so disappointed in myself, for loosing him." She cried, Ron made no attempt to console her, he stood also against the counter on the other edge of the kitchen

"That wasn't your fault," he said and then added "Or mine or Dr. Hath's." as he said it he recalled Clara's tears when he'd blamed her

"I married you because I love you." She cried, he looked at her strange

"What?"

"Alfred asked me once-"

"DO NOT," Ron said holding up a finger and then closing his eyes in disgust "Mention his name, in this house." He ordered, and although Hermione found that foolish she complied and continued

"He asked me if I married you because it made sense or if it was for the reason that I really loved you, and I really love you. It didn't make sense at all me marrying you to most people." She cried, he inhaled remembering their wedding day, that was almost 2 years ago.

"This isn't us Hermione, what ever you and him did-"

"ALFRED AND I DID NOTHING!" She felt herself scream pushing the anger from her chest out of her mouth, slamming her mug down; coffee spattered as it came down on the counter and on her hand. Ron didn't ask her to swear by it, he didn't need to. So here they were 21 and 22 years old, screaming in their kitchen on Christmas day, in their bathrobes like they've been married for 50 years and they may not even make it in the direction of 2. Hermione thought about Alfred a moment, and how 3 weeks ago they'd said goodbye, he was off to start a new life in America working for the Wizarding Bureau there, as Chief Counsel to the Wizarding President, he'd been signed on for a 5 year contract. Hermione didn't know it now, but in 15 years from that Christmas Day, she'd meet Alfred again while on a Christmas walk with Ron and their children, Alfred had returned to Britain and was again working close with the Minister, would be married and have his own family, and the four of them would form a close friendship. She didn't realize it but Ron had moved around the kitchen and was holding her in his arms looking at her. The embrace was unfeeling at first but warmth was swimming through her, she didn't ever want to let go, they stayed that way until Ron felt her hot breath just underneath his chin. Yes. The kiss was like kissing a stranger, but a familiar one, perhaps you two had met in a dream. Like fire and ice they were, steaming onto each other, a deluge of emotion that had connected them. He broke the kiss went to run into the bedroom but Hermione caught him by the robe, right here, right now. He spun around and immediately knew what she wanted. He picked her up into his arms and kissed her deeply, using his free hand to push everything off of the counter in the middle of the kitchen (you know where you prepare food) but now that counter was being used for a much more creative purpose. Ron ripped the pajama bottoms off of Hermione and she raised her legs her knees bent, Ron knew exactly how she liked it. His tongue probed her clitoris and she flinched at the pleasure and relaxed into it. She forgot what it was like, it had been nearly a year, and she'd only had herself to rely on herself, which she didn't mind but oh god how she'd forgotten what Ron was like. The smell of his skin, the way that he panted, and now she could feel herself cumming, she arched her shoulder and opened her mouth to moan and was seized with pleasurable waves rolling over her body. She sat up quickly putting her hands on Ron's head and kissing him on the mouth, tasting herself as she did. Ron put his hands on her sides as he pulled her closer, she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. Still kissing he ran to the bedroom, and they collapsed on the bed. Yes, the bed- the ultimate object of their sadness, where Hermione had spent all those months crying herself to sleep, and even tried to end her life, that night, with the Seconal. She was pulling Ron's flannel night pants down and he had to kick them off his ankle and didn't give a second thought and thrust into Hermione. She was already wet and open and could feel him thrusting inside, so deep.

"Ah," she moaned loud "Make it hurt Ron." She ordered and he began thrusting deeply with vigor. To his own surprise he didn't cum easily at, the entire year he'd spent suppressing his sex drive and now his libido didn't know what to do. But suddenly it was back with vengeance and he found himself thrusting wildly, Hermione had sweat rolling down her forehead and the heat was making the smell from her conditioner emanate filling the small air around them. Ron could smell the delicious aroma of sweat, that cumin smell that they were both radiating. A tingle. He started to thrust faster when he felt himself cum very, very hard. Hermione herself had cum again and pulled him close to kiss his lips, and his neck and his face. They slept for a time after that and then loved once more, madly at first and then it fell into slowness. Tears were shed, sorry's were uttered and sleep once more commenced. It was around 8:30 when they were both in the shower together, the steam rising that they again had made love until the steam vanished and the water ran cool on their skin. They sat at the table in their robes, sopping wet hair, sitting there, in a dreamy state; Hermione was on his lap resting her head in between his neck and shoulders, his red hair so vibrant due to the wetness from the shower. Not quite in a trance, but certainly not in reality. Soon Ron broke the silence, staring into space he inhaled deeply his shoulders raising

"You know, when we got married, I didn't think that this would happen," he began, Hermione didn't have to ask "what?" and he continued "Just a few hours ago I was sure that we were on the way to divorce, and now here we are." He finished his gaze falling on her, his features expressing confusion

"And here we are." Hermione breathed with a sigh

_**January 27, 2002**_

Hermione glanced out the window in the house, no snow. Last year snow had been falling like there was no tomorrow, like nature was trying to get it all in before the world ended. She walked away from the window and looked around. It was already 5:56 put since it was so dark all day you wouldn't know it. Snow had that disillusionment about it, that darkness that lasted all day and you never really could tell what time it was. Ron was sitting on the couch watching TV and bickering at it. Ron was one of those people, where a news anchor or actor on TV's character would do or say something stupid Ron would tell them that they were stupid- like they could respond. He shut off the TV and grabbed his coat. He looked back at Hermione waiting for her, she was hesitant, her expression was resisting and she sighed in protest.

"Hermione, we need this, for you, for me, for us."

"Closure isn't something I seek currently." She replied standing in the center of the living room

"Well, when we refuse to seek, we must be led and I'll lead you even if it means dragging you by the hand." He told putting her coat around her. It wasn't too far, they'd Apparate halfway and then walk, and they loved to walk together. He took her hand and felt their bodies move and when she opened her eyes she was surrounded by whiteness everywhere, the sky was white, the ground was white, and there was significantly less snow fall here, but it was still coming down steadily. Their hands still together they walked in the direction she wanted to run from, so did he. She saw the small picket fence only as they got closure, and if there hadn't been stone gray markers in the center she wouldn't have seen it at all as it blended in so well with the landscape. They passed through the open gate and searched the names, but not because they were looking, it was merely a distraction. They paused reaching their row and hesitated a moment, until Ron stepped forward and he felt himself tug Hermione and they stood in front of the gray marker…their sons headstone.

"Hermione," he whispered "I think that we should say something…to **our** son, for **our** son. It's been a year; we should say something to him."

"I don't want to say anything," she told, choking, Ron spoke his sons name and said a lyric, he didn't know why, but it was in his head

_Darling don't you understand, I feel so ill at ease_

_The room is full of silence and it's getting hard to breathe_

_Take this gilded cage of pain, and set me free_

_Take this overcoat of shame; it never did belong to me_

_  
I need to go outside, I need to leave the smoke  
'Cause I can't go on living in this same sick joke  
It seems our lives have taken on a different kind of twist  
Now that you have given me the perfect gift_

_You have given me the gift..._

_And we have fallen from our shelves  
To face the truth about ourselves  
And we have tumbled from our trees  
Tumbled from our trees..._

He sang and Hermione listened, and he spoke his sons name again and looked at Hermione, she was breathing heavily, her chest hurt, her throat was sore, her heart was exploding. Ron's eyes and voice were heavy and as he looked at Hermione he felt his heart break.

"Hermione," he said and repeated it "Hermione…"

"WHAT?" She snapped "What is it you want from me!?" she screamed the tears rolling down her face, she felt go from hot to cold quickly

"Say his name," Ron rasped, his voice cracking

She inhaled deeply and tried to speak but she felt herself halt against her will. Ron wrapped his arms around her and she did the same

"N.." she began but stuttered she tried again and got further and then with a scream that reached God **her**self, Hermione opened her lungs and yelled "NOAM!" with might. And with that she and Ron collapsed on the ground still embracing. Since the delivery room they had each cried separately over their son and never together, they had collapsed into a sitting position in the soft snow covered grass in front of the small headstone, together in unison repeating his name over and over again. _Noam David Granger-Weasley_ again and again they cried not wiping their tears or paying attention to the soreness in their throats _Noam David Granger-Weasley _they said until they cried so hard that they had gagged and wretched. After a long time they both calmed down slightly and remained holding each other. Ron closed his eyes and just rocked back and forth and Hermione found the motion comforting. She felt suddenly lighter, Ron felt it as well. Noam had left them, the pain of their son was gone, and he was set free. Perhaps his memory or lack of memories caused them so much pain because they refused to let him go and now he was able to be free, they were free. But of course they were still pained by the child they didn't have, even when they got home, it was like something was different, the air was lighter, they lighter, they laughed together. And Hermione recalled quite fondly, they had one hell of a second year anniversary.

Hermione was startled as she was called back from her memories. She caught her reflection in the window and the snow outside, which did not seem to captivate her like it had. She was 43 years old again, standing at the coat rack and still gazing at the Duritz home; she shook herself of the memory and took off her snow boots, lord knows how long she'd been standing there. January was a month away and how these past few weeks, if Noam hadn't died, he'd be 22 years old. That was strange for her to think about, he'd be 22 and probably working and most likely married already, Hermione was shocked to think of the chances that he would be a parent already making herself a grandmother. The chances were good, especially in the wizarding community, most people married and had children young, but she'd talked to her children about establishing a career before such endeavors- again she was taken from her thoughts, Ron was in front of her rubbing his eyes.

"What are you doing up? It's 3 am." He yawned

"The Duritz left their lights on." She explained, he nodded putting am arm around her shoulders pulling her close kissing her head, she melted slightly and wrapped her arms around his waist kissing his chin. He squeezed her again and together they headed for the stairs to their bedroom. Hermione felt a rush of contentment as she gave a final glance over her left shoulder, at her favorite picture of Ron and the small children he held in his arms smiling happily the water from the surf splashing against them, as they smiled waving back at her.

_In a sea of waves  
We hug the same plank  
Just as I had rehearsed it over in my brain  
(I saw your end)_

If the waves suck you in, and you drown

If like you should sink down beneath  
I'll swim down. Would you? Would You?

You hang anchors over my neck  
I liked it at first  
But the more you you laughed, the crazier I came

And the waves suck you in, and you drown

If like you should sink down beneath  
I'll swim way swim down. Would you?

Is that what you want?  
You...  
Well that's what you've got

Wave...after...wave...

If like you should sink down beneath, I'll swim down,  
Would you?

Is that what you want?  
With you  
Is this what you want?  
With you, you

Escape...below...


End file.
